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larry parker's avatar

SPOILER.......it's all bullshit.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

"The locusts looked like horses prepared for battle. On their heads they wore something like crowns of gold, and their faces resembled human faces. Their hair was like women's hair, and their teeth were like lions' teeth."

-- Revelation 9:7-8

I guarantee you: You read Revelation and you will be convinced it was written by an ancestor of Kat Kerr.

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Guerillasurgeon's avatar

So the hair was not only like a woman's but pink? Apparently God told her she had to have pink hair. Amazing how God only tells you what you want to hear right?

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cdbunch's avatar

The pink hair is the only normal thing about her.

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larry parker's avatar

Why an ancestor? As much time as Kat spends in the spirit world, she could have written it herself.

And did the locusts have armor on all four of their legs?

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Did they ride around in bubbles from cities made of Jell-O?

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Daniel Rotter's avatar

"I don't eat anything that moves"

-Richard Crenna's character in The Flamingo Kid when offered Jell-O.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

He must hate anything noodly.

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Daniel Rotter's avatar

Jello, unlike noodles, actually vibrates. Scary, scary stuff. *smiles*

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Matri's avatar

That's usually your warning that a t-rex is approaching.

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Daniel Rotter's avatar

The Book of R(ridiculousness)evelation.

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Sarah Rain's avatar

I am so grateful you are doing this. As a child who was forced into revelation haunted houses every year where I faced my eternal hell after the rapture came terrifying for a little child terrified my whole life of that tribulation houses That's how they really scare people to death So I'm so grateful that you're doing this and I have so many thoughts as a Christian raised child This is great

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larry parker's avatar

My only experience with a "revelation haunted house". : )

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt9085372/

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Matri's avatar

Obligatory Something*Positive "hell house" series of comics.

https://somethingpositive.net/comic/holy-ghost-stories-pt-1/

Don't worry, the ones running the house gets what's coming to them.

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Oct 15, 2023
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Sarah Rain's avatar

I am just now able to enjoy Halloween! Finally have unwarped my brain enough to not feel like im "letting in evil" SMH no wonder I escaped to drugs as a teenager

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Revelation reveals that the only humans who occupy heaven are 144.000 virgin Jewish males from the 12 tribes of Israel. Not a Gentile in sight.

Christians seem a bit oblivious to this little detail.

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Guerillasurgeon's avatar

Presumably 144,000 gay virgin Jewish males. Or is there no sex in heaven?

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cdbunch's avatar

Well, the question is did they know it? I gather it's pretty rare to find an out gay virgin. I know one and I'm pretty sure he was fucked up by Disney fairy-tales and a fundamentalist upbringing to want to wait for Prince Charming, who is apparently busy.

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Daniel Rotter's avatar

Maybe there was a revised version of the Bible that came out years later that said the opposite. It's not uncommon for works of fiction to be revised years later by their original authors (e.g., Nabakov with "Despair" and John Fowles with "The Magus").

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Here's what the many translations of Revelation 7:4 says:

https://www.biblehub.com/revelation/7-4.htm

Lots of references to the sons of Israel. It also says children as well as people, but given the patriarchal nature of the religion, that says "males." Revelation 14:3-4 details the 144,000 and their status as virgins.

Forgot to mention: the 144,000 are sealed with he sign of their god on their foreheads.

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cdbunch's avatar

"You bear the mark." "That big old hairy mole? I had that thing removed"

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Donrox's avatar

Martin Luther thought that Revelation should not have the same status or authority as the gospels or epistles. I grew up in a moderate Lutheran Church. Revelation was never discussed, preached on, or the subject of Sunday School or confirmation lessons.

I never really paid attention to it until someone gave me a copy of Hal Lindsey's "The Late, Great Planet Earth" when I was in high school. I was shocked by the bat shit crazy theories he was spinning. The realization that "fellow Christians" believed such far fetched bullshit was one of the first cogs in the wheel that eventually spun me to Hement.

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cdbunch's avatar

Did you read this one? Given the price, I'm rather sad that we gave away the copy I read after my mother died. (At least I'm pretty sure it's gone)

https://www.amazon.com/666-1000-Two-Bestsellers-One/dp/0899576141

I think I was in Jr. High when I read it. I thought it was fascinating at the time.

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Oct 16, 2023
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Guerillasurgeon's avatar

I remember chariots of the gods, though I was probably a bit older than you when I read it. It was very quickly debunked if I remember correctly but that might be because I came to it late. But I also remember Velikovski's (?) what was it? Worlds in Collision or something. I remember discussing it with an engineering friend of mine who thought it was brilliant. I didn't really know enough about it until I met someone who had a degree in astronomy. :)

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larry parker's avatar

The clerk is using a scanner, so the cash register is the dummy.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

I'm oddly curious about "Bunnies & Pie."

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larry parker's avatar

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rabbit_pie

Eta: First thing that came up when I searched "Bunnies & Pie".

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Donrox's avatar

Larry, Nooooooooo

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NOGODZ20's avatar

I'm thinking that's one of Elmer Fudd's recipes. Er, wecipies.

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larry parker's avatar

Elmer never has a rabbit, though.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Oh, he gets one in particular but the cawwot-chewing wascal outwits him every time.

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Daniel Rotter's avatar

They got tired of just eating carrots. Decided to expand their culinary tastes.

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cdbunch's avatar

That's how 'Murikan capitalism works. You forgot to mention it was BOGO sale.

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NoOne of Consequence's avatar

Ooo, this sounds exciting! If I had money I'd help, but I can give clicks and thumbs. I enjoy your bible videos and have a lot of questions of Revelation. Like what kind of drugs was he on and where can I get some. I looove a scary trip. ;)

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Revelation. Let's see...

*The vivid remembrance of a mere dream?

*Written while ill and suffering from hallucinations due to malnutrition?

*One or more anonymous authors putting people on and laughing at anyone gullible enough to buy it?

You be the judge.

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larry parker's avatar

Both. ; )

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Oct 15, 2023
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Donrox's avatar

That is basically what I learned at a United Methodist seminary.

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Sean's avatar

Apparently, we are already underway for the end times. In church, one elderly gent informed us that it would all kick off in 1988. His math was based of one verse about the lifespan of an olive tree being 40 years - I think a verse (I forget which one) about jesus returning before the a generation of olive trees would pass - and Israel being set up in 1948. 1948+40=1988, when Bush Sr. was elected. Some events had already come to pass during the Kennedy presidency which was, apparently exactly 3.5 years of peace and prosperity (under a democrat????), or something like that.

He did enjoy some congregation-wide celebrity for his accurate calculations. So while we didn't know, in accordance with scripture, the "exact date," we at least knew the final year it would all have to kick off by. 2,000 years of "any day now" has finally come to an end. So, only another 1,000+ years until it's all over. I think that's the bit where (all hail) Satan is bound for 1,000 years by an archangel then unleashed for Armageddon. The Good Omens documentary covers this in a much more exciting way than my boring description.

Once it's finally all done, god will establish his kingdom on earth and (to the tune of Handel's Messiah) he shall reign forever and ever, and he shall reign forever and eevvvveerrrr. Aaaaaameeeeeen. Then we (but not me now), will live in a golden city 1,500 miles by 1,500 miles by 1,500 miles (that's right! A giant gold cube sticking off the side of the earth - that has got to affect the orbital mechanics in some fashion). Everything will be made of the most precious metals and gemstones, streetlamps of diamonds, streets of gold, yada, yada, yada... Gravity won't mean anything because you'll travel up or down by thought alone, like in Minecraft, only not controller. And to top it all off, if I remember correctly, we (but not me now) will all be served by kings and princes. Basically, what republicans promise every election cycle. ;)

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Matri's avatar

But-but-but Katt Kerrrrr promised the city will be made of Jell-O!!

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

"the lifespan of an olive tree being 40 years"

This elderly has a weird way to write 500 🤔

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Sean's avatar

Must be that fuzzy math. Makes for fuzzy prophecies. That's why they're all true, they can't be falsified.

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Richard S. Russell's avatar

I recommend you dig up a copy of C. Dennis McKinsey's book "The Encyclopedia of Biblical Errancy". It didn't have a very wide print run to begin with, and there haven't been any re-releases, so it's only available used, for a hefty price. But McKinsey was REALLY thoro, and it's a must-have for anyone seriously interested in all the extremely fucked-up things in The Greatest Story [sic] Ever Told.

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Sean's avatar

Thanks for the recommendation. Ordered.

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Sean's avatar

Gold Jell-O, maybe?

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ericc's avatar

Cool. While I'm vaguely aware that much of the symbolism was slams of the current regime(s) and political figures of the time, I'd love to read an "answer key" of which symbol goes with which figure/government.

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Linda LaScola's avatar

I hope Hemant includes various interpretations of scripture and not just the fundamentalist view. It would be quite interesting to compare the "liberal" view with that of that fundamentalist view.

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

He's already there.

As of now:

$4,031 pledged of $4,000 goal

70 backers

25 days to go

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XJC's avatar

Five books of the Christian bible. Yahweh was not responsible for most of the fairy tale.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Yahweh had nothing to say about it at all. He was as silent as the grave. Like he never existed at all.

All holy books are the works of very human hands.

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Bill Lawrence's avatar

First, we can discard all the nonsense about the Emperor throwing John into a vat of burning oil and having him drink poison--neither of which had any effect. My own idea of what happened was that Christians were being persecuted, and John got to his island (Patmos) to save himself. But his situation was precarious--he could be executed at any time--and over time he went mad. And that was when he had his hallucinatory experiences and set down the Book of Revelations. The two very bad things that happened to Christianity were when Constantine made it a state religion, and when Revelations, after some discussion, was incorporated into the Bible. Both were disastrous, IMO.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

That Christian debunker Candida Moss lays it all out. The gospel of John of Patmos is a forgery.

https://www.thedailybeast.com/everyones-favorite-gospel-the-gospel-of-john-is-a-forgery-according-to-new-research

John the Beloved Liar is the same guy who also supposedly 'wrote' Revelation.

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