I was decapitated in a car accident. At church the lady next to me noticed my condition and asked if I would like prayer. I gave her the thumbs up sign. 30 minutes later I grew a new head. It was a miracle! There was even a video of the whole process (but it got overwritten accidentally with a cat video). But it obviously really happened because how else could I have written this message with no head?
One of the biggest reasons to doubt this, besides the obvious, is the fact that any video evidence of this would be the ultimate advertisement for Christianity and would no doubt convert millions more people to the faith, who would then attend the church services. And growing their congregation is the ultimate goal (which means a lot more power and money). With that in mind, and considering the fact that virtually everyone has a portable recording device these days, there's just no excuse to not get these supposed miracles on video, especially one that purportedly lasted a span of 30 minutes. No way a church would miss out on that opportunity unless they were full of sh!t.
I think millions more people would be happy to hand over their life savings to a church that had verifiable, video proof of a miracle. That's my point. And I disagree that they only care about people who give money. Attracting more people to Christianity, regardless of the amount they tithe, means more potential voters in favor of church doctrine. This, of course, means more political power and more control over the laws and functions of society. To them, that's worth just as much, if not more, than the financial benefits.
You seem not to have heard of the prosperity gospel. Sure, they like having voters willing to vote conservative, but the whole idea is to get followers who are persuaded to believe in the doctrine which says Jesus will reward you for throwing your money away by giving it to the church.
I'm bemused that you're familiar enough with the term "prosperity gospel" to accuse others of being ignorant of it, yet you yourself are seemingly unaware of the history of its leaders' political motivations and influences over the past several decades, especially recently during Trump's tenure and their increasing push towards dominionist policies.
For example:
James Dobson: Founder of conservative political organizations "Focus On The Family" and "Family Research Council". He's arguably one of the most influencial voices among evangelicals and his FOTF has spent millions promoting conservative Christian legislation at both state and federal levels and is largely credited with getting Bush elected in 2000.
In 2017, FOTF declared itself a church so it can more easily accumulate wealth and conceal its donors. Dobson himself is closely aligned with Trump and is quoted as saying"...there are many Christian leaders who are serving on a faith advisory committee for Trump in the future. I am among them. There are about 25 of us that include Jerry Falwell, Jr., Robert Jeffress, Jack Graham, Ben Carson, James Robison, Michele Bachmann, and many others...".
One of the many others is Paula White, who's been closely linked with several celebrities including Trump (dating back to 2002). She positioned herself in the White House as his spiritual advisor and even gave the invocation at his inaguration. She's said that "opposition to Trump is akin to being anti-God." In 2019, she was made an advisor for the Center for Faith and Opportunity Initiative which aims to elevate religious influence within government programs.
Jerry Falwell Sr. actively campaigned against the civil rights movement and founded, among other things, the political action group "The Moral Majority" which is credited with mobilizing the conservative Christian vote that got Reagan elected.
Kenneth Copeland also was a member of Trump's advisory board. In 2020, he started a new show on his network called "Flashpoint", hosted by pastor Gene Bailey, which focuses on political commentary in an effort to motivate the Christian voting bloc. It includes guests who are known political extremists/Christian Nationalists like Lance Wallnau, Hank Kunneman, and Jason Rapert. Copeland said that "Christians who did not vote for Trump would be guilty of murder" and that Trump was "led by the Spirit of God". As well, he said that his most important legacy as president would be the appointments of conservative judges He was also criticized for alledgedly making money from Mike Huckabee's campaign who paid to use his ministry facilities for a fundraiser.
Rod Parsley: Yet another dominionist, who's been active in pushing forth a conservative Christian political agenda over the last 20 years including urging his followers in Ohio and elsewhere to vote against marriage equality. He also featured prominently in the "Silent No More" campaign to register Christian voters and cultivate support for extreme right-wing policies.
Pat Robertson: He himself campaigned to become the 1988 Republican nominee for president. Founder of the American Center for Law and Justice (a politically conservative, Christian legal organization) and the Christian Coalition which focused on mobilizing the conservative Christian vote. He was also president of the Council for National Policy (a conservative political advocacy group) which has played dirty politics for decades.
I could go on, but I think I've listed more than enough to make my point. I recommend you read Sarah Posner's book "God's Profits: Faith, Fraud, and the Republican Crusade for Values Voters" for more in depth info on the subject.
Politics is far from an afterthought for these seed faith leaders. To say otherwise is to delude oneself. Not to mention the fact that they can't get away with what they do without having enormous political power. It allows them to operate with impunity, keep their tax exempt status and conceal their tax records, violate the Johnson amendment without consequence, and skirt any Congressional investigations into their practices like the 2007 Senate Finance Committee investigations of six televangelists which ultimately changed nothing in the way they operate.
Christian organizations like these have long tried to get the Johnson amendment repealed and made use of Trump's presidential power to erode any power it supposedly had. And they'll continue to push for more and more legislation that works in their favor, but they can't do that without voters and political allies.
The pastor of the mega church involved in the toe story is very much focused on cultivating the conservative vote as well:
Wow. I went to this church when I was in college (back when I still bought the whole “god” story.) The have a “healing” segment at every service where they anoint people with “holy oil” from vials bearing the church logo. They would always list off the “miracles” that had been performed at last week’s service (cancer cured, etc). Even being a “Christian” at the time I remember thinking it was all so fake. It’s just wild that people buy this garbage at all.
And you scoffing atheists claim that God never heals amputees! Well, here you go. What more evidence do you need than the testimony of an honest, God-fearing woman?
I remember an FA article from a while back (I looked ,but can't find it.) Someone claimed their hand was healed and they had x-rays to prove it. Turns out the before x-rays were cribbed from a medical journal and showed diseased kid's hands.
Honestly, every man and his dog has a camera on the phone these days, but nobody thought to take photos or video? What a missed opportunity – if it actually happened it might even have converted me.
I only had my Federation communicator and for some reason nobody ever thought to include a camera in the specs. There have been lots of times it would have been useful but I never even got a reply to the memo. I'll try again when I get back.
Skepticism is a rare and important virtue. It's not the stubborn refusal to believe something, and it's not cynicism. Skepticism is the willingness to withhold belief until acceptable evidence is presented. The Greek root means "to look." Show me.
Would that we all practiced consistent skepticism in all claims, big and small, not just outrageously absurd claims like the woman's toes growing back.
Unfortunately, "truth" does not mean to the believers in this story what truth means to most of us reading this blog. For us, truth is a synonym for reality. For us, truth/reality is verified by observation using the five senses and the application of reason.
For these Christians, truth is whatever makes them believe in their god more. It is verified for them by the euphoric reaction of their brains to stimuli that tells them that something they fervently hope for is real. It feels great, so it must be true. Endorphin intoxication.
These two epistemologies are utterly different. If you were to draw a Venn diagram of them, they'd be two circles at opposite edges of a piece of paper, with lots of blank space in between. You can't employ one without violating the other.
Yet Christians like these in the post switch back and forth between these two epistemologies all the time. Just the very mundane act of getting across a busy highway uses the method of sensory verification and reason, and a thousand other incidents every day, many of which can be of life-or-death importance. BUT when it comes to their religion, they switch to "Truth B." The switch is seamless and it produces no cognitive dissonance, no discomfort arising from the contradiction. That's because they carefully avoid looking at their methods too closely. They don't think about how they think. That same truth-is-whatever-makes-me-feel-good has overwhelmed our political forums as well, and we are on a collision course with material reality coming at us like a runaway freight train. It's gonna hurt.
So... not to be "that one commenter" or anything... and, far be it from me to cast aspersions on the intellect of such a fine, upstanding Christian lady, but...
...are we completely sure that she had ever tried looking 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 before the "miracle" in question?
In a related story, a person in Grand Junction, CO with stage III colon cancer was miraculously advanced to stage IV after chemotherapy failed. God denied any involvement.
True story: I was trimming my pubic hair with a razor and - wouldn't you know - in a slip of my hand I cut my balls off. I immediately consulted with a moyle (a rabbi who specializes in circumcisions), figuring that he was an expert. "Oy veh," he said followed by "I can be of no help." He suggested I see a doctor.
"Doctors. What do they know?"
Finally, I reached out to cousin Abe, a Jew for Jesus. We prayed and prayed and prayed together. I think we overdid it because I now have orbs each the size of a grapefruit. I think that I'll require the services of that moyle.
I was decapitated in a car accident. At church the lady next to me noticed my condition and asked if I would like prayer. I gave her the thumbs up sign. 30 minutes later I grew a new head. It was a miracle! There was even a video of the whole process (but it got overwritten accidentally with a cat video). But it obviously really happened because how else could I have written this message with no head?
So Jesus gives good head?
After spending three years wandering on foot with 12 men and no women, he's had plenty of practice.
𝘛𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘋𝘢𝘳𝘯 𝘊𝘢𝘵
For some reason, Disney is going hard blocking Bobby Darin's song from being played worldwide.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FrG2aoGA2MQ
I'm an expert at recovering tapped over video. Here it is.
Eta: Ignore the unrelated guy getting his head blown off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FkVXCCfg2A
You need a GoFundMe page to finance the spread of this amazing and totally believable story !
One of the biggest reasons to doubt this, besides the obvious, is the fact that any video evidence of this would be the ultimate advertisement for Christianity and would no doubt convert millions more people to the faith, who would then attend the church services. And growing their congregation is the ultimate goal (which means a lot more power and money). With that in mind, and considering the fact that virtually everyone has a portable recording device these days, there's just no excuse to not get these supposed miracles on video, especially one that purportedly lasted a span of 30 minutes. No way a church would miss out on that opportunity unless they were full of sh!t.
There's really no excuse for it anymore, this isn't the 20th century. Pics or it didn't happen is pretty much the unofficial motto of the internet.
Here I thought this was the unofficial motto of the internet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NiFD6EFVsTg
(𝘖𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘶𝘯𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 anthem 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘯𝘦𝘵? 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘳𝘦𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳...)
Porn builds all new technology and pushes its capabilities. We are definitely a strange species.
https://youtu.be/dY7qTlu0PO0?t=55
The mothem ?
It's a feature not a bug. (Official motto : )
They only care about recruiting people who will donate to the church.
I think millions more people would be happy to hand over their life savings to a church that had verifiable, video proof of a miracle. That's my point. And I disagree that they only care about people who give money. Attracting more people to Christianity, regardless of the amount they tithe, means more potential voters in favor of church doctrine. This, of course, means more political power and more control over the laws and functions of society. To them, that's worth just as much, if not more, than the financial benefits.
You seem not to have heard of the prosperity gospel. Sure, they like having voters willing to vote conservative, but the whole idea is to get followers who are persuaded to believe in the doctrine which says Jesus will reward you for throwing your money away by giving it to the church.
I'm bemused that you're familiar enough with the term "prosperity gospel" to accuse others of being ignorant of it, yet you yourself are seemingly unaware of the history of its leaders' political motivations and influences over the past several decades, especially recently during Trump's tenure and their increasing push towards dominionist policies.
For example:
James Dobson: Founder of conservative political organizations "Focus On The Family" and "Family Research Council". He's arguably one of the most influencial voices among evangelicals and his FOTF has spent millions promoting conservative Christian legislation at both state and federal levels and is largely credited with getting Bush elected in 2000.
In 2017, FOTF declared itself a church so it can more easily accumulate wealth and conceal its donors. Dobson himself is closely aligned with Trump and is quoted as saying"...there are many Christian leaders who are serving on a faith advisory committee for Trump in the future. I am among them. There are about 25 of us that include Jerry Falwell, Jr., Robert Jeffress, Jack Graham, Ben Carson, James Robison, Michele Bachmann, and many others...".
One of the many others is Paula White, who's been closely linked with several celebrities including Trump (dating back to 2002). She positioned herself in the White House as his spiritual advisor and even gave the invocation at his inaguration. She's said that "opposition to Trump is akin to being anti-God." In 2019, she was made an advisor for the Center for Faith and Opportunity Initiative which aims to elevate religious influence within government programs.
Jerry Falwell Sr. actively campaigned against the civil rights movement and founded, among other things, the political action group "The Moral Majority" which is credited with mobilizing the conservative Christian vote that got Reagan elected.
Kenneth Copeland also was a member of Trump's advisory board. In 2020, he started a new show on his network called "Flashpoint", hosted by pastor Gene Bailey, which focuses on political commentary in an effort to motivate the Christian voting bloc. It includes guests who are known political extremists/Christian Nationalists like Lance Wallnau, Hank Kunneman, and Jason Rapert. Copeland said that "Christians who did not vote for Trump would be guilty of murder" and that Trump was "led by the Spirit of God". As well, he said that his most important legacy as president would be the appointments of conservative judges He was also criticized for alledgedly making money from Mike Huckabee's campaign who paid to use his ministry facilities for a fundraiser.
Rod Parsley: Yet another dominionist, who's been active in pushing forth a conservative Christian political agenda over the last 20 years including urging his followers in Ohio and elsewhere to vote against marriage equality. He also featured prominently in the "Silent No More" campaign to register Christian voters and cultivate support for extreme right-wing policies.
Pat Robertson: He himself campaigned to become the 1988 Republican nominee for president. Founder of the American Center for Law and Justice (a politically conservative, Christian legal organization) and the Christian Coalition which focused on mobilizing the conservative Christian vote. He was also president of the Council for National Policy (a conservative political advocacy group) which has played dirty politics for decades.
I could go on, but I think I've listed more than enough to make my point. I recommend you read Sarah Posner's book "God's Profits: Faith, Fraud, and the Republican Crusade for Values Voters" for more in depth info on the subject.
Politics is far from an afterthought for these seed faith leaders. To say otherwise is to delude oneself. Not to mention the fact that they can't get away with what they do without having enormous political power. It allows them to operate with impunity, keep their tax exempt status and conceal their tax records, violate the Johnson amendment without consequence, and skirt any Congressional investigations into their practices like the 2007 Senate Finance Committee investigations of six televangelists which ultimately changed nothing in the way they operate.
Christian organizations like these have long tried to get the Johnson amendment repealed and made use of Trump's presidential power to erode any power it supposedly had. And they'll continue to push for more and more legislation that works in their favor, but they can't do that without voters and political allies.
The pastor of the mega church involved in the toe story is very much focused on cultivating the conservative vote as well:
https://www.news-leader.com/story/news/politics/2015/03/24/pokin-around-mega-church-pastor-tells-members-repeal-sogi/70396352/
I'm very well aware. But you seem to think that because I didn't write several paragraphs about it that I'm stupid.
Wow. I went to this church when I was in college (back when I still bought the whole “god” story.) The have a “healing” segment at every service where they anoint people with “holy oil” from vials bearing the church logo. They would always list off the “miracles” that had been performed at last week’s service (cancer cured, etc). Even being a “Christian” at the time I remember thinking it was all so fake. It’s just wild that people buy this garbage at all.
“holy oil”
Crisco or Wesson?
Mineral oil from Tractor Supply.
https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2020/2/14/1919145/-Oil-flowing-Bible-exposed-as-a-fraud
You bastid! I was looking forward to dropping this:
https://youtu.be/4Z6uFk_FdjQ
"You South French traditional house" ?
Your insults are more originals than those in Quebec 🤔
https://images.app.goo.gl/ffWK7DCeUA3U7kgT6
I'd cuse ya a trying to teech Murkins how to speak Murkin agin, but youd jus spen rest a day postin furriner.
Ok, je reviendrais poster à 23:58 heure Française 😏
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdhtmc67tsQ
And you scoffing atheists claim that God never heals amputees! Well, here you go. What more evidence do you need than the testimony of an honest, God-fearing woman?
Certified before and after photos.
"What do you mean, 'the before foot is larger than the after foot?!' Those pictures are of the same foot, I swear! Gawd just made it smaller, too!"
I remember an FA article from a while back (I looked ,but can't find it.) Someone claimed their hand was healed and they had x-rays to prove it. Turns out the before x-rays were cribbed from a medical journal and showed diseased kid's hands.
The camera subtracts ten pounds. 🤔
...and three digits, apparently.
Honestly, every man and his dog has a camera on the phone these days, but nobody thought to take photos or video? What a missed opportunity – if it actually happened it might even have converted me.
If you BELIEVE it happened, that's good enough for Christians. PROOF was never included in the Bible.
He toes must have been as small as a mustard seed.
No, I think that would be her brain.
My dog has a better
phone than I do.. 🤦♂️
Not "my dog ate my phone" ?
Their phones were all working just fine... unfortunately, they left their brains in the coatroom.
Don't you get it? EVERYONE has a camera with them these days... but these miracles ALWAYS manage to escape recording.
This can't be explained by natural means. This cannot be explained by mathematics, statistics, probability.,
There is only ONE possible explanation.
It's a miracle! Only God would be able to keep his miracles hidden from mundane recording. Praise the Lord!
(Some might say that these people are just lying. But they are GOOD CHRISTIAN people. They would NEVER lie! NEVER EVER!!!)
I only had my Federation communicator and for some reason nobody ever thought to include a camera in the specs. There have been lots of times it would have been useful but I never even got a reply to the memo. I'll try again when I get back.
Skepticism is a rare and important virtue. It's not the stubborn refusal to believe something, and it's not cynicism. Skepticism is the willingness to withhold belief until acceptable evidence is presented. The Greek root means "to look." Show me.
Would that we all practiced consistent skepticism in all claims, big and small, not just outrageously absurd claims like the woman's toes growing back.
Unfortunately, "truth" does not mean to the believers in this story what truth means to most of us reading this blog. For us, truth is a synonym for reality. For us, truth/reality is verified by observation using the five senses and the application of reason.
For these Christians, truth is whatever makes them believe in their god more. It is verified for them by the euphoric reaction of their brains to stimuli that tells them that something they fervently hope for is real. It feels great, so it must be true. Endorphin intoxication.
These two epistemologies are utterly different. If you were to draw a Venn diagram of them, they'd be two circles at opposite edges of a piece of paper, with lots of blank space in between. You can't employ one without violating the other.
Yet Christians like these in the post switch back and forth between these two epistemologies all the time. Just the very mundane act of getting across a busy highway uses the method of sensory verification and reason, and a thousand other incidents every day, many of which can be of life-or-death importance. BUT when it comes to their religion, they switch to "Truth B." The switch is seamless and it produces no cognitive dissonance, no discomfort arising from the contradiction. That's because they carefully avoid looking at their methods too closely. They don't think about how they think. That same truth-is-whatever-makes-me-feel-good has overwhelmed our political forums as well, and we are on a collision course with material reality coming at us like a runaway freight train. It's gonna hurt.
… like a runaway freight train.” You ain’t kidding. Just ask East Palestine.
So... not to be "that one commenter" or anything... and, far be it from me to cast aspersions on the intellect of such a fine, upstanding Christian lady, but...
...are we completely sure that she had ever tried looking 𝘥𝘰𝘸𝘯 before the "miracle" in question?
Are we completely sure that she knows how to count?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOrgLj9lOwk
🤣🤣🤣
I never realized "This little piggy" was a christian prayer.
It's in the same direction that where the unmentionable is so I guess no 🤔
That would require a system of pulleys and mirrors. Yeah, I know, I will be sitting in the corner for the rest of the night for that one.
In a related story, a person in Grand Junction, CO with stage III colon cancer was miraculously advanced to stage IV after chemotherapy failed. God denied any involvement.
Eric, the God-Eating Penguin!
https://uploads.disquscdn.com/images/2d00ff9fd4801d9bb532d4b96111cbe5ed8759597f45bd40b74164b12a579466.jpg
That's one bad-ass penguin.
“Save the housewife, save the world.”
Next time on Zeroes.
True story: I was trimming my pubic hair with a razor and - wouldn't you know - in a slip of my hand I cut my balls off. I immediately consulted with a moyle (a rabbi who specializes in circumcisions), figuring that he was an expert. "Oy veh," he said followed by "I can be of no help." He suggested I see a doctor.
"Doctors. What do they know?"
Finally, I reached out to cousin Abe, a Jew for Jesus. We prayed and prayed and prayed together. I think we overdid it because I now have orbs each the size of a grapefruit. I think that I'll require the services of that moyle.
That story is nuts.
The writer of that claim has been given the sack.
Those responsible for sacking the people who have just been sacked, have been sacked.
You don't have to get testy!
"I was trimming my pubic hair with a razor"
That takes a lot of balls.
"It only took 30 minutes"
Or her next one was free.
Ok. She... but... wait. Ok. Deep breath. Ok. Nope. I need a drink.
*Prepare the stopwatch on her phone and start to pray*
Rendez-vous dans 30 minutes 😁
30 minutes pile and my feet are the same. Remboursez !
Sorry, our church does not believe in refunds. Have a blessed day!
Count me in for 30 minutes of prayer for you. : )
I am feeling a little itch on my right fo... Sorry it was just a loose thread on my comforter 😁
16 minutes left.
A comforter on such a warm spring day?
It's 4:15 am and 2° C right now but the forecast is announcing a balmy 17 today 😁
I saw Harry Blackstone do that trick with two goats and a handkerchief on the old Dean Martin show!
I saw a different trick with two goats and a handkerchief in Tijuana.
Miracles are always also bullshit.
Bullshit is actually useful for fertilizer. All miracles are good for is separating the rubes from the contents of their wallets.