228 Comments

Ah yes, the King James Version- for when you really need more lovely purple prose to dress up a book full of rape and genocide.

I'd call it lipstick on a pig, but let's face it- the pig's gonna win that beauty pageant.

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Also, if I'm not mistaken, wasn't the KJV written with an explicit political agenda? As in openly, not trying to hide it like some of the others. Heh.

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1. There is no Lord my God. I don't have a God.

2. Except for Ryan Reynolds. I put him before any mythical creature.

3. I like the idea of of Ryan Reynolds before me. Use your imagination

4. I Have photographs of Ryan Reynolds. Statues don't do him justice.

5. God dammit, where is Ryan Reynolds?

6. The last time Ryan was over, we slept in on Sunday. It was quite holey.

7. I did not invite my father and mother over on that day, mostly because they're dead.

8. Neither Ryan nor I actually have the slightest desire to kill anybody, although a little maiming for certain Republicans will probably not be out of order.

9. My husband says it's all right for me to commit adultery with Ryan Reynolds.

10. Ryan is super rich. We don't need to steal anything, except some sweet moments together

11. Talk about bearing false witness! Blake lively claims that she's married to my Ryan.

12. I don't covet Ryan's house. He doesn't even live near me. Besides, he's Canadian.

13. Although Ryan technically isn't my neighbor, there are a few things of his that I covet. At least in a different translation, I do covet his donkey.

There you go, the 10 Commandments, courtesy of a Texas education.

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That is SAINT FLOOZÉ to you, buster! And if you're going to use my name, at least spell it correctly. It's FRENCH!

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This is Murica, we don't need any elitist, fancy, french floozy spellings here, mister.

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And yet, you give me that fancy French floozy spelling with an extra syllable. Damned hypocrite!

It's MURKA!

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Ahem 🤬

* Si vous me cherchez, je suis partie bouder avec un roman yaoi*

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Quelle Dommage! Ryan y moi, nous voyons verser des larmes pour toi.

poor, poor toi.

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Amazing how often Christians tell us the Old Testament is just history and doesn't apply anymore, but then turn right around and try to push Old Testament rules on the rest of society at large.

And since we're on the subject, perhaps some of our local Christians would like to take a moment to explain why "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor" only applies to non-Christians, but when a Christian lies to a non-Christian it's perfectly fine?

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I doubt we'll hear from Mr. Graf on either of today's articles.

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Funny how that is... ;)

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I'm reminded that Paul said lying for Jesus is ok.

I didn't know where to put this comment. It answers your question but was prompted by cd's reply below. : )

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This could be a standalone comment. :)

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Build the wall! Around Texas and FL.

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That leaves you Arkansas and the second biggest liar in the country.

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No cdbunch. I'm in exile in Arkansas, luckily in a nice blue pocket. But my daughter and her husband work for a university, and I have two grandsons. Plus Memphis, a bright spot in in the cesspool of Tennessee is right across the bridge.

I beg you cdbunch: don't wall us off! We'll take care of the smoky eyed Succubus in Little Rock!

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I thought Bugs Bunny had already taken care of Florida.

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He should've gone further north and sawed away the entire bible belt.

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I love the idea of sending in the 10 commandments in arabic. I think it was when there were major demonstrations in London against UK involvement in the Iraqi wars three decades or so ago that a guy who obviously looked 'foreign,' held up a poster written in arabic with an arrow on it. Underneath it had the translation in small print. 'Don't worry, it just says 'This way to McDonalds.'

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Actually, it just occurred to me that of printing it in arabic, hebrew, or spanish, you might troll conservatives more with that third one than the either two. Particularly if you donated it with a note that said "here, we made sure it was in a language most Texans can read."

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Aramaic would also work.

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Even sending it in Hebrew would likely insense your average Texas evangelical. The Judeo part of Judeo-Christian is supposed to get lip service only, no *actual* respect or regard.

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𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐹𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝐴𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐹𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡 𝐶𝑜𝑚𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑑𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡.

-- Aron Ra

And yet MORE BS from Texas, determined to entrench Christianity as its state religion and vitiate the doctrine of separation of state and church. I FULLY expect Texas to get some SERIOUS blowback from the FFRF, American Atheists, and the ACLU, at minimum.

And somehow, I doubt I'll be disappointed.

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Apr 4, 2023·edited Apr 4, 2023

Two stories today showing why Tex-ass needs that extra s.

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I say we let them secede. Do they really have anything we need more than we don't need the outsized influence they have on our schools? Shit, if we move from fossil fuels all they'll have is beers, steers and... uh, Cruz.

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Cruz is Canadian. ; )

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Ted Cruz? Oh shit, he is. Well, at least he'll never be president.

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One of his parents was a U.S. Citizen, so unless you're black, that makes you a natural born citizen.

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Apr 4, 2023·edited Apr 4, 2023

"Too many people are claiming to be Americans. Alaskans. Hawaiians. Californians. It's disgraceful!"

-- a Southern politician (Senator Fussmussen) in the first Rocky & Bullwinkle story "Jet Fuel Formula" (the pol was trying to introduce a bill that would make gaining US citizenship even tougher).

(Keep in mind: When this story first aired, Alaska and Hawaii had just been admitted into the Union) :)

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To the everlasting shame of Canada :)

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There are perfectly good secular justifications for outlawing murder and robbery. In certain circumstances it can be illegal to lie, such as when giving sworn testimony. Everything else in the Ten Commandments is religious dogma, and would be unconstitutional should anyone try writing them into law. Conservative Christians can NEVER stop trying to mark their territory in the public schools paid for by everyone's tax dollars. They can never stop trying to sell the fiction our system of government is somehow based on the Commandments.

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The first half isn't just religious dogma, it's an ego stroke for Yahweh.

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Any being, deity or mortal, insecure enough to want worship, doesn't deserve it.

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Keep the Sabbath holy? No problem! I have kept SATURDAY holy for all life, as in holy day=holiday.

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Apr 4, 2023·edited Apr 4, 2023

Friday night to Saturday night is the whole-iest time of the week when you're unfettered by religious belief.

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How about we put up "Blessed are the peacemakers..." or "Love your neighbor as yourself" or "love your enemies"? Or other good ideas from other famous figures? American Christianity really loves OT fire and brimstone god and doesn't like Jesus very much.

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Apr 4, 2023·edited Apr 4, 2023

This is the only "peacemaker" you'll find in Texas: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/36/1956prime2.jpg

I wouldn't be half surprised if there were a priest or two down there who blessed guns as a side hustle, though.

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I don't know about priests, but I bet I can throw a stone and hit a baptist preacher who does.

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Oh please do, it might knock some sense into them! Or knock them out, which I suppose is just as good.

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Apr 4, 2023·edited Apr 4, 2023

Yeah. Just look inside any creationist publication along with every creationist attraction, including Dumb Idiot Ken Ham's putrid attractions, and you'll find a ton of such fire and brimstone talk in there and much less "God is love" in there.

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OT:

I hope the Count of Mostly Crisco's 34 felony indictments are just the beginning of charges for him.

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Apr 4, 2023·edited Apr 4, 2023

Go ahead, Trump. Repeat what you said years ago, but to prosecutors this time:

"I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK?"

(in the voice of Samuel L. Jackson: "Say that again, muthafucka! Say that again!")

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I can't wait for a transcript of his speech tonight. I'm not going to watch, but I will read about him incriminating himself.

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I can’t stand to listen to him for more than a few seconds. And I count on Seth Meyers, Jimmy Kimmel, and Steven Colbert to identify those few seconds for me.

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That goes triple for me. The sound of that man's voice sets my teeth on edge and send my blood pressure through the roof. Seth, Jimmy, and Stephen do very nicely for all I need to know about what that orange shitgibbon spews out of his hateful, nasty pie hole.

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Here's the indictment, if anyone's interested: https://www.documentcloud.org/documents/23741570-new-york-v-trump-indictment

34 felony counts of Falsifying Business Records in the First Degree. How very like Chump, right? He found a crime he liked... then he committed it 33 more times because he has no fucking imagination. #𝘚𝘢𝘥.

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A sentiment shared by many here.

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34 coats of Crisco are too much. There won't be any room left for the cake batter.

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One of the best nicknames ever.

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So depressing that THIS is the classroom supplies conservative Christians think are important. Not paper, pencils, books, or ipads.

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The multitude of books is a great evil. —Martin Luther

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To Christians, knowledge is a greater threat than Satan.

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It's no accident that they claim all of humanity's woes are the result of Adam and Even eating from the tree of knowledge.

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YHVH puts all knowledge in a piece of fruit, hangs it from a magical tree in A&Es presence, then tells the happy couple not to eat from it.

*smacks forehead* Where did Christians ever get the idea that the biblical god was all-wise?

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he said so.

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He bragged about creating evil. Where did those very same Christians ever get the idea that their deity was all good?

Nobody's this unquestioning. Oh wait...

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And yet, I had a little book called the Lutheran Catechism that I was expected to memorize.

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ipads are evil.

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Sperm of the devil!

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OT- 𝑰𝒊𝒊𝒊𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒊𝒊𝒊𝒊𝒊𝒊𝒏𝒈!

https://apnews.com/article/donald-trump-arrest-arraignment-live-updates-c8cd2e608094bfaf98eb2d0718904611

First ex-Presidential motorcade to an arraignment? Check!

Best. Day. 𝘌𝘷𝘦𝘳.

https://gifdb.com/images/high/its-actually-happening-people-will-and-grace-gay-7wcg5j5or0o0b8qv.gif

https://gifdb.com/images/high/its-happening-jessica-rothe-shouting-l3otg5edq8t1jpta.gif

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Lying George Santos is there supporting lying Donald Trump. I fear that if they get too close together the universe will implode in a singularity of mendacity.

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Marjie Traitor-Greene is apparently also in attendance... the bullshit levels in Manhattan must be an order of magnitude above average today.

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She was outside Trump Tower earlier, with a bullhorn. Counter-demonstrators showed up with boxes of whistles for the crowd, and every time she tried to talk the whistles drowned her out. How delicious is that?

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No Jewish space lasers came to her rescue. :)

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Any self-respecting JSL would be aimed *at* her.

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It turns out that the whistles were handed out to the crowd by a Trump supporter, wanting to drown out the court proceedings. Delicious !!

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Hard to do that from street level when the proceedings are on the fifteenth floor.

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Maybe they can be cell mates.

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Breaking from CNN: Prosecutor alleges Trump involved in "illegal conspiracy" to undermine the integrity of the 2016 election

From CNN's Lauren Del Valle and Jeremy Herb

Prosecutors alleged former President Donald Trump was a part of an illegal conspiracy to undermine the integrity of the 2016 election.

Prosecutors alleged Trump was part of an unlawful plan to suppress negative information, including an illegal payment of $130,000 that was ordered by the defendant to suppress the negative information that would hurt his campaign.

The reason he committed the crime of falsifying business records was in part to “promote his candidacy,” the prosecutor alleges.

Trump is not charged with criminal conspiracy.

Trump’s voice was measured. He walked in slowly scanning the reporters in the courtroom. He looked at the judge when he was speaking.

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"Then it all crashes down. And you break your crown. And you point your finger, but there's no one around. Just want one thing, just to play the king. But the castle crumbled and you're left with just a name. Where's your crown, King Nothing?"

-- Metallica, "King Nothing"

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His whole life has been a series of illegal conspiracies. He doesn't know how to act any other way.

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"Trump is not charged with criminal conspiracy."

Excuse me, but don't you mean, "Trump IS charged with criminal conspiracy?"

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The look on his face when he walked into the courthouse was the loveliest thing I've seen in years. He looked like it was taking all his willpower not to shit his pants.

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I'm a 𝘣𝘪𝘨 fan of the expression he's got on sitting at the defense table. I think I'll call it "world's oldest toddler pouts in the time-out corner."

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Maybe I'm just bad at reading faces.

As I see it... he just looks like Trump.

He only has two facial expressions: pouting and shouting. Ok, three: smirking. Which he wasn't here. I guess that's a good sign?

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Here's hoping that his legal nightmare is just beginning. He has several pending indictments. :)

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And I have to agree with all the analysts who've said that all the others are even stronger than this one.

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Especially interested in the case against Trump by Letitia James, where the shit is set to hit the fan in early October (she's still gathering evidence to make sure Orange Slime doesn't squirm his way out).

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Slime is slippery. He has slithered out of trouble so often before. As much as I'd love to celebrate this arraignment, I won't feel safe until the jury finds him guilty on all counts and the prison doors slam in his orange shit face.

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So far, at least, all those widespread riots he wanted to see aren't happening. The day is still young, but so far so good.

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He thinks he's still the president and that he still has the power and popularity he did. He's sadly mistaken.

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I'd replace president by king.

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Since drumpster hate women and people of color I can't wait for this indictment.

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From the Guardian 5 min. ago: According to the statement of facts from the Manhattan district attorney’s office, the parent company of the National Enquirer, American Media, Inc, at one point bought a story about Donald Trump fathering a child out of wedlock.

So the bastard had a bastard. Runs in the family, eh?

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Probably the luckiest of his offspring, even if zir mother was a poverty-stricken sex worker.

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I would be shocked if he conceived only one.

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I wonder how many abortions he has paid for.

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Personally? Probably none. He gets someone else to pay for him.

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Trump left the courthouse without making any kind of statement to the press. When has he EVER kept his mouth shut before? There's speculation the judge may have imposed a gag order, which will keep him from making any direct statements about what happened in court OR making any more threats to the prosecutors. He's holding a press conference at 8:15 tonight, so we'll see.

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I'm going with "lil' Donny got his fee-fees hurt and was afraid he'd cry if he tried to talk about it." I don't think there's a gag order in existence that could keep that fool quiet without, y'know, an 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 gag being involved.

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drumpster obeying ? Did his caretakers triple his dose of tranquillisers ?

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I doubt a gag order will keep him from lamenting how put upon he is, how it's so unfair, and he didn't do anything wrong.

He doesn't listen to anyone else, why do you think he would listen to a judge?

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If the judge actually did issue a gag order, I imagine he did it by way of giving Trump even more rope to hang himself with. Either way, it'll be lots of fun to watch. I haven't enjoyed myself so much since Reagan kicked the bucket.

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Bet his fingers are itching like crazy because he wants the twit wants to tweet.

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I thought he used Truth these days rather than Twitter. Or did Elon give him a Xmas present?

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For me, "tweeting" is just any form of social media rather than a specific brand. :)

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Elon unbanned him months ago, remember?

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I pay little attention to Elon and even less to Twitter.

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Has he gone back and used it?

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I think he still posts on his own Troth Senchal.

(Hey, that's what Orangey called it) :)

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I want an orange jumpsuit, but I'm sure he'll get house arrest with SS agent guards.

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Careful. When I read "SS" my first thought was of the Third Reich.

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If they didn't join him, they'd be more appropriate guards.

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tRump's Secret Service Detail. Worst. Job. Ever.

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Must take a huge amount of integrity to actually protect the life of that piece of shit, rather than step to the side and pull a Sargent Schultz.

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How much he will charge them this time ?

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Well, they had to spend the night in Trump Tower, so that is the start of the bill to taxpayers.

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Four years' worth of weekend golfing trips.

I don't think he has ever missed a SINGLE weekend of golf.

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SSDD

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A Trump appointed judge has stayed the Tennessee law banning drag shows, calling it unconstitutional breech of the first amendment. This and the chaplain law may face the same fate.

The USA was built to not have Lords, I do not recognize this being as my lord or god.

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How are the elections going for you ?

Here voting is only on Sunday so it's hard to keep up with the way US do it.

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I was able to vote and took my eldest child. My hubs got in first thing this morning, I did it after work. We didn’t have much line, the presidential election usually does have a line all day. The media was worried about the storms passing through keeping folks from the polls.

I’m not watching the results right now, my blood pressure can’t take it. I’ll see in the morning how things turned out. I’m a little pissed off about how the local news stations have promoted Kelly for the Supreme Court considering how he was involved in the insurrection and big lie. The man was appointed to the court but couldn’t hold onto the seat for a reason. The news keeps putting people on saying they support him because the court needs someone to be impartial and not come in with an opinion already. But Kelly has shown himself as corrupt.

Anyway, I did my part, there’s not much more I can do besides hope it comes out the right way.

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"there’s not much more I can do "

What? You can't do ballot harvesting, or dropping off boxes of bamboo filled ballots late at night, gathering up all your dead friends and relatives to vote, drive busses full of illegal immigrants, etc?

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What is it about the US and long queues for voting? Why???????????????

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Apr 5, 2023·edited Apr 5, 2023

Because one of the parties wants to actively make voting difficult. So they reduce the number of voting stations whenever they can. They restrict hours for early voting, and eliminate mail-in voting when they can. They attempt to create 'poll taxes' only the 'tax' nowadays comes in the form of identification and registration hoops you have to jump through weeks or months before you're allowed to vote. They are currently attempting to deny 18-21 year old college students the right to vote, on the grounds that these young folk don't actually live where they reside 9 months out of each year (the Universities support this charade. Heaven forbid they're not allowed to charge out of state tuition fees to someone who lives in the state 9 months out of each year).

They do this, because when most citizens of legal age vote they tend to lose, but if only wealthy, prosperous people will the requisite free time and effort on their hands vote, they tend to win. So making it harder for folks to vote helps them win.

But here's the real kicker: since the folks in charge of voting rules are the legislature and the the head of the executive organization in charge of implementing voting rules is typically either elected or appointed by the governor, that means that in the US it is those very parties themselves that decide on voting rules and enforce them.

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What a mess. DM and me received the forms to register as voters a few months after we moved in (legal wait) and we receive new voting cards every three or four years.

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Jesus! I like to think it couldn't happen here. We have a commission to decide boundaries. I dunno how the number of polling places is decided but it's uncontroversial. But opinions are hardening all over. Calcifying as someone put it. So, who knows..................

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the votes are just starting to come in. Janet Protasiewicz has a slight lead so far.

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UPDATE. NBC is Projecting that Janet Protasiewicz has beat Daniel Kelly

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FAKE NEWS!!!

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Not RIGGED ELECTION ? You are going soft today.

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She won. Poor Rev. Dulli. Too bad for him.

No, really. I might shed tears for him. :S

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You cut onions ?

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For all Wisconsin women I hope it's true.

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Also for the health of the country. Abortion wasn’t the only issue on the line, election security, gerrymandering an important swing state and so much more.

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with less then half a million votes left to count and a 150 thousand vote lead I think she is pretty safe.

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So they're going to put up graven images that advise "Thou shalt not make to thyself any graven images.." Brilliant, just fucking brilliant. Or is an image of the Ten Commandments tablets not an image in Christ-land?

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Apr 5, 2023·edited Apr 5, 2023

Christian graven images are exempt.

Just like Christian rapists, Christian murderers, and Christian thieves are exempt from Hell.

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Apr 4, 2023·edited Apr 4, 2023

Dear Texass...

a) Those laws were meant for the Chosen People and the Chosen People only. Unless you are Jewish, they have nothing to do with you.

b) That list was never called the 10 Commandments. Hell, that list was smashed by Moses and never used.

c) Want to put up the real 10 Commandments? Look to the list found in Exodus 34 and actually CALLED the 10 Commandments in Verse 28. They bear little resemblance to your list and they specifically refer to celebrating Jewish festivals.

Not that any of that matters. These bills are strictly unconstitutional and would be struck down at the federal level. So hope you're ready for lawsuits by the FFRF, Americans United for Separation of Church and State, American Atheists, etc.

EDIT I see Troublesh00ter already beat me to that lawsuit sentiment.

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I have my moments! 😁

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Getting in original comments to articles that have already been up for hours is haaaaaard.

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