335 Comments

Well I don’t want our kids messing with Satan’s grapes either but it seems like protecting them from their youth ministers’ grapes is the more pressing problem.

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That's just like an atheist, you wine every little problem.

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I’m too wishy washy to be a good atheist but I will happily sign on to applying wine to every problem.

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Go fuck Moses, cause you’re just a donkey’s ass, you dumb arsed moronic MoFo. Ugh AND you’s is stupid!!

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Congratulations Laura! You are now officially one of us. You fell into Holytape’s trap. Pretty much everyone here has snapped at him at one point before realizing he’s our favorite Poe. Welcome, enjoy the cookies.

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I’m proud to say I did not. That’s because I watched to see what others would say to one of his great posts so I didn’t embarrass myself. :D

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May 24·edited May 24

Newbies should lurk for a while to get the lay of the land first.

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100%

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I miss Modus. He was the best.

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“Go fuck Moses”

The little known rejected first title of William Faulkner’s book.

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Also a traditional spiritual song, sung after a few beers.

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You sing more ribald spiritual songs than I did.

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I know, I know it’s: “Go Down, Moses..

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You forgot, "ugly". So once more, from the top, and this time with feeling.

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Welcome. As Val said, Holytspe is an intentional Poe and is actually mocking them. His “typos” are intentional and specifically chosen.

It took me a few days to realise that, and you’ll be able to spot them soon.

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Is this supposed to be satire? You forgot the /s

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This one was more pun than poe.

Though maybe Laura just really hates puns...

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Aaaaaw! You’s sooo sweet!

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Si c'est le cas, elle est mal tombée.

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Holytape is one of ours. See all the upvotes? The man engages in snark. 🙂

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I snark therefor I am

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This was amazing, thank you!

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Just like your moron maggot 3-toes, none of ya can spell

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You misspelled "gropes".

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Nah, they raisins.

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https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4910155-can-haemorrhoids-stay-small

Strange to say, but nothing in OED. Still, this is evidence that I did not imagine it.

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If, as they claim, God is omnipotent and also omnipresent, no human could ever expel him from any location. Do people actually believe their own doctrines? Is their belief in magic actually such that putting up a sign will beat Satan through summoning God back? I really wonder with things like this. Even as a child it struck me though how weak the faith of even the seemingly most fervent believers is, it appears, that they need crude symbols like this (imposed on others too) to shore it up, regardless of their own theology.

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May 24·edited May 24

Their belief in magic is so bad that, not only will they make, but they will also worship the graven images they are told not to make. It's that bad.

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Good point, I forgot about that. Time was, long ago, that Protestants attacked the Catholics over that, even destroying images they used. Now their successors are very idolatrous themselves.

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But God needs our help... and our money.

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He's very bad with money.

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And children.

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Well, definitely the people who claim to speak for him...

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May 24·edited May 24

And poverty, disease, hunger, etc.

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And don’t forget his aim.

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Means to smite the Left Coast and hits a trailer park in the bible belt

He really should get corrective lenses.

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And new parishioners, which they won't get unless they invade public spaces to gain access to the children of other people...

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They don't even believe in the Ten Commandments.

1. Commandment one starts with "I am the Lord who brought you out of bondage in the land of Egypt..." Yet they fight to maintain their own power and supremacy. When ever a liberation and equality movement happens in America, they oppose it.

And no other gods before Me? It's a fucking joke. "God" tells us to help the poor, welcome the immigrant, help the refugees... all things they oppose. "God" tells us to set aside ten percent of our income every third year for a fund to feed the poor and immigrants. "God" tells farmers to leave produce in the fields to help feed them. "God" tells us that public religion makes him sick unless it's backed up by kindness to the poor, justice to the oppressed, and right actions.

2. He leaves off don't make a graven image because he's proposing a graven image that he thinks has power and magic to make society better.

3. Don't take God's name in vain. Like plastering God everywhere in a society that doesn't do a damn thing He supposedly said about caring for the poor, fighting for justice for the oppressed in society, and welcoming strangers and treating them as citizens?

4. The Sabbath? Businesses are open 7 days a week. Are they really going to sacrifice all that money to outlaw commerce on Saturday/Sunday? And let's be honest, it will be Sunday because the Judeo part of Judeo-Christian is just window dressing.

5. If you need a god to get your kids to love and respect you, you're failing as a parent. Try to not be a belligerent asshole to them.

6. Don't kill. Are you against the death penalty? Are you against wars unless they're for the survival of your nation? Are you against gun control? You don't take this commandment seriously either.

7. Don't commit adultery. I think it's self-evident how seriously Christians take this commandment.

8. Don't steal. Wage theft is rampant. So are stories of Christians stealing from churches and congregations. Pyramid schemes. Opposition to financial and business regulations to prevent fraud. Child labor. It's a fucking joke to think we take this one seriously as a nation.

9. Don't lie. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA... you lie constantly. You lie about abortion. You lie about the LGBTQ community. You support a man who is incapable of telling the truth to be your leader. You lie and slander Democrats. You lie about history. You lie about science and scientists. You slander doctors and nurses.

10. Do not covet. Motherfucker, what do you think drives capitalism? Especially end stage capitalism? Consumption. Desire. Coveting. Yet you celebrate capitalism as if it were handed down to Adam Smith by Jesus Christ himself and resist any attempts to make things more just, fair, and kind.

And you have the audacity to say that we should lay yet another lie on to children to brainwash them into becoming twice the sons of Hell that you are.

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When I was a kid in the 50s, businesses were closed on Sundays. Except for restaurants, which churchgoers needed to get the taste of that last sermon out of their mouths.

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In my town the drugstore was allowed to open but only the aisles that had medical stuff. Toys, beauty products, and other sundries were roped off.

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Well written. Thank you

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👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👍

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There isn't a shred of objective evidence to support the claim the Ten Commandments and school prayer ever prevented a single tragedy. This is just one more thing we're supposed to take on faith, because a Christian said it. I suspect this man would go out of his tiny little mind at the mere suggestion any religion but his own be recognized on public property. It is completely lost on the people who keep trying to force the Commandments into the public schools, that eight of them would be unconstitutional should anyone try writing them into law.

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Hey ! Look at how many children are killed in French schools each year.

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I don't know the number, but you seldom hear about it. I would upvote you if I could.

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There are no prayer in Norwegian schools anymore. And guess what? In those 25 years one student was stabbed, not fatally though.

But we had the Breivik at Utøya i 2011. He said he was xian. (I knew at least three of those killed and know several of those "only" injured.

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Kids are supposed to pray before getting shot in America, so hopefully they go to heaven afterwards. Thoughts and prayers!

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May 24·edited May 24

Moreover, while mass shootings seem to be up, I'd guess overall things are better. Since school prayer was eliminated, without having done the research I would expect every single one of these things to be true: fewer kids die in their teen years, both overall and as a result of assault, accident, hazing/bullying or drunk driving. Literacy rates are up. % of kids (especially girls) getting a college entry level education are up. Chicken pox and other traditional, communicable childhood disease rates are way down. Teen pregnancy is down. And the list probably goes on. Now...none of these things are in any way directly related to school prayer. But if this guy's gonna suggest spruious correlations, I'm gonna take his spurious correlation to it's logical conclusions.

I doubt any of these fundies who idolize the ''50s would ever really want to live in it. And they sure as heck wouldn't want their kids to go through it.

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For their sons probably not, for their daughters it's another story.

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All these officials trying to install the Ten Commandments everywhere in public is heading us to what you might call a 'decaloguejam.'

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Well...... UK state schools are supposed to have a service "broadly of a Christian nature" (must check wording) every day and a short search finds no official statistics on murders in schools. So, obviously it must work, mustn't it?

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Correlation does not equal causation, but I'm pretty sure you know that. ;)

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I bet you wrote an /s in your mind.

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“Satan’s grapes”

Dibs on band name.

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What about the "Devil's Kumquats"? "Lucifer's Lemons"? Or "Beelzebul Blueberries?"

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'What are, "things I never want to put in my mouth", Alex.'

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Azrael's avocados... or more likely, artichokes.

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Sqeeze my lemon til the juice runs down my leg.

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I believe that's the varietal used to make this:

https://images.vivino.com/thumbs/SWQvFshkTQyfx_WVBDBdjw_pb_x960.png

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You don't suppose they make a nice Merlot, do you? 😁

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They're used in Cabernet Sheolvignon

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I'll drink to that!

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I believe the god referred to in the 10 commandments was actually the Jewish god. Christianity had not been invented when Moses supposedly brought them down from the mountain. The plot thickens.

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In a couple of places, the New Testament refers to Satan as "the god of this world" not to mention that Jesus never deigns to mention abortion or LGBTQ issues...

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Or abortion, they pulled that out of their ass, the bible mentions how to poison an unfaithful wife and cause one though.

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Pretty much unbelievably, I had a Christian tell me that anyone who lived by Christian principles was a Christian, even if they lived before Jesus. He was a YEC, but still.

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OT, I’ve just had one of the worst days. I had to euthanize my 14 year old cat, Fred. He was a good boy, a very good boy and the whole family will miss him immensely.

I also twisted my ankle if the curb at the vet’s office. So I will be heading to urgent care soon to take care of that.

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Deepest condolences.

Today (the Friday before Memorial Day weekend) marks 2 years since I had to say goodbye to my Very Good Boy, Casper. He was an English Springer Spaniel, a good traveling companion, a good friend.

May the memories of Fred bring smiles to your heart.

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DAMN. Very sorry to hear about both your cat and your ankle. Do please take care of YOU, okay?

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May 24·edited May 24

Sorry to hear that... saying goodbye to our fur-babies is never easy.

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Thank you all.

My ankle is only sprained, no breaks. So, I’m on Aleve, ice and a brace for a while.

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I’m so sorry. Losing pets is losing family. Best wishes (glad your ankle isn’t broken)

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So sorry about both! Best wishes for both the emotional and physical recoveries.

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I'm sorry. Your cat was lucky to have you. Hugs

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Order pizza for dinner and have the other half pick up a chocolate cake for dessert, that kind of day needs special treatment! Take care of yourself, and my deepest condolences.

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I still have my eye appointment and rehearsal tonight. Dinner is on hubby.

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You are right, there’s little worse than that. Sending you love, hugs and wishes for better days in the future.

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Nine Commandments? There were Fifteen Commandments before Moses accidentally dropped and broke one tablet. I have visual evidence...

https://youtu.be/4wunGF3oMA0

(C'mon, you knew someone was gonna post this) :)

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Ah, 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦'𝘴 the post I scrolled through the whole thread to make sure I wasn't going to duplicate. XD

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Surprised nobody posted it before me. :D

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May 24·edited May 24

This constant whingeing about how 'current society is in a war between good and evil' is something that could be said about any society, anywhere in the world, at any period of history. It's called human nature, and it's comprised of both good and bad qualities.

The whingeing about how 'satan is winning' fails on two fronts: there's no more evidence for satan than there is for god. So what's going on? The real source of angst here is that CHRISTIANS are losing their hegemony as more people wake up and walk away from increasingly irrelevant religions.

Ten [or 9 maybe?] commandments displays are purely religious in origin, the fact they're commandments is designed to promote belief - the assertion is that they were written by god, and they presuppose that all students, teachers and staff of the targeted schools share the religious belief of such 'commandments.'

Finally, we can't overlook the obvious fact that many of these commandments fly in the face of the Bill of Rights, our constitutional 'Ten Commandments.' No other gods before me? 1st Amendment violation. Can't take the lord's name in vain? 1st Amendment violation. Keep the sabbath? Another 1st Amendment violation.

IMO, what we're seeing in all these christian nationalist efforts is blowback from people who can see their religion - and their power - slipping away. I hope this school district does the right thing, because I have no reason to believe the current supreme court would uphold the separation of church and state.

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"If we can save even one child from Satan’s grapes, it is worth every cent we spend on this donation, because God’s children are priceless."

Not for nothing, but "Satan's Grapes" is a great name for a rock band.

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Hey, I called dibs!

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You did, Sorry,

FWIW I assumed someone meant to type "Satan's grasp" and autocorrect stepped in.

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Better Satan’s grapes than God’s rapes.

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"He seriously argued that he’s not trying to gain support for Christianity; he just wants God to defeat Satan."

This is where I get more confused, not less. How is it that this guy's allegedly all-powerful, all-wise, all-knowing god can't help a student being confronted by this Satan character without these special rules in front of the building? Leaving aside the correctness issue that clearly exists in regard to this particular example, how all-powerful can a god be if he needs a big chunk of stone in front of the building before he can protect an innocent from a fictional character? For anyone that truly believes in said god, no fancy monument is needed; for anyone who doesn't no fancy monument will work.

Even though Dodge is apparently paying for this himself, he apparently needs to be reminded that schools are not churches, therefore it would be inappropriate to place objects of worship on their property. Religious instruction is available and free to anyone who seeks it here in the US pretty much without restriction; it is by no means necessary to add such to the primary school curriculum. With that said and in view of the number of issues various Christian churches have had in the after school area, the public is not regarding these Christian political activists with anywhere near enough suspicion.

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For all his hand-waving, all Dodge is really doing is the usual dance: virtue-signaling and territory-marking ... period.

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It certainly smells like Christian territory marking. Or is that cat pee? So hard to tell them apart...

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Are Satan’s grapes better than red seedless? Are they only available at certain times of the year? Would love to try them since I’m probably hell bound anyway. Might as well go the whole route.

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The Ten Commandments from Exodus 34 and called the Ten Commandments in Verse 28 (all numbers in Aramaic):

Khahz) You shall have no idols before me

Try-een) You shall celebrate the Festival of Unleavened Bread

Teh-lah-thah) The first offspring of every womb belongs to me

Ahr-bah-ah) On the seventh day you shall rest

Kah-mah-sha) You shall celebrate the Festival of Weeks

Eesh-tah) You shall celebrate the Festival of Ingathering

Sha-boh) Three times a year the men are to appear before me

T'mhan-oh) Do not offer the blood of a sacrifice to me with anything containing yeast

Teesh-rah) Bring the firstfruits of your soil to me

Ohs-rah) Do not cook a young goat in its mother's milk

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Number teh-lah-thah worries me. Didn't the Romans claim that the Carthagians sacrificed their children to Baal? What does YHVH want here? The same deal?

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Molech was more dramatic. What could be a more visually stimulating show than rolling babies down its flaming throat?

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The Lord Jealous doesn't seem to have any trouble sacrificing humans of all ages in staggering numbers. Look at the great flood alone.

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That explains Abraham trying to off Issac.

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"Three times a year the men are to appear before me"

The priests really caught onto that one.

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And what's with the yeast thing? Does the almighty deity of the bible have some sort of allergy?

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Yeast infections. That's why he kept going on about that burning bush.

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I think he doesn't like it when the blood from the roast beef soaks into the bread of his sandwich.

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That's like the original French Dip?

Can I call it Au Jew?

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Damn! You beat me to the French dip reference.

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In the only factually accurate gospel, 𝘓𝘢𝘮𝘣: 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘎𝘰𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘭 𝘈𝘤𝘤𝘰𝘳𝘥𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘉𝘪𝘧𝘧, 𝘊𝘩𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵'𝘴 𝘊𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘥 𝘗𝘢𝘭, there is a section where they travel to China. The monastery where they stay decides to create a martial art that has no punching or kicking due the Jesus's pacifism. In his honor they name it, Jew Do.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamb:_The_Gospel_According_to_Biff,_Christ%27s_Childhood_Pal

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He should switch to to au jus.

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As a 'first born,' I say NOPE!

Hail Satan!

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I am a Schrodinger born 😁

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May 24·edited May 24

I’m really surprised that the Christians in America don’t complain about all those places where a false set of 10 commandments is displayed. It’s almost as if they don’t know what their holy book actually calls the “Ten Commandments“.

ETA: Especially as it was this set that actually made it into the Ark of the Covenant.

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They don't strike one as a very inquisitive bunch. They seem content to be spoon-fed scripture by their local conman rather than read the bible themselves. Too bad. It would really open their eyes if they did.

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Remember the origins of the Ten Commandments displays in the USA, and they’d rather their scripture be fed to them by Hollywood movies than actually reading their holy book, and even the conman in a dog collar.

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We need to get this straightened out sooner rather than later. Summoning Charlton Heston.

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We need to remind these people that Satan can quote the bible too. We can call out Mr Dodge for his obvious attempt at using the 'word of God' to create discontent. 9 commandments? "BEGONE SATAN!"

Maybe if the infighting can get to the point where someone like Mr. Dodge gets accused of being a mouthpiece for the Devil, others will think twice before trying something similar.

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Interesting how he sat on the board for 32 years, yet only now that he's left does he try to do this. He clearly knows this is illegal and inappropriate otherwise he would've used his previous position and power to impose his will years ago.

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Maybe whoever was the most likely person on the board to tell him to FOAD also isn't on the board anymore either.

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