82 Comments
User's avatar
larry parker's avatar

Check for cash behind the walls.

Expand full comment
Joan the Dork's avatar

With a personality like the one described, better check for *bodies* behind the walls, too.

Expand full comment
CageGirl's avatar

Sounds pretty par-for-the-course for a prosperity gospel church. It's the spelling and grammar in that Facebook post that are making my eye twitch.

Expand full comment
Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

I lurnet ta reed n rite out ta bible. Were you lurnet frum?

Expand full comment
maddog7's avatar

"Were you lurnet frum?"

corrected: Were ye lurnet frum?

Expand full comment
RegularJoe's avatar

I thought it was "yew" or maybe "yew'uns".

Expand full comment
Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Weell, evr now n agin I muk a missteak n tipe sumpin rong.

Expand full comment
maddog7's avatar

... everytime I see 'etc' spelled 'ect'. I flinch.

I'll play fast and loose with english, but that one bothers me.

Expand full comment
GrandmascienCe's avatar

Hey! Nobody aksed you! ;)

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Dec 25, 2021
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
GrandmascienCe's avatar

My sister writes "you'r" every time, whether she means "your" or "you're." How could she possibly make that worse?!?!

Expand full comment
wreck's avatar

I noticed that too. I wouldn't hire that guy for anything

Expand full comment
larry parker's avatar

On many times I cringe at other's english.

Expand full comment
GrandmascienCe's avatar

I was grinding my teeth through the whole thing, and tried to read only every other word. :P

Expand full comment
Akira625's avatar

“ Among his reasons for leaving? No accountability, shady finances, and witnessing physical and mental abuse from Smith.”

In other words, a typical megachurch.

Expand full comment
regmeyer's avatar

Sounds awfully kkkhristain to me.

Expand full comment
GrandmascienCe's avatar

But it's missing the cash in the walls!

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

"If he walked in the room, you had to stand up. You couldn't talk to him unless he talked to you in that room. And then you would be seated when he told you to be seated."

These people are seriously fucked in the head to go along that shit.

✔ lust

✔ wrath

✔ greed

✔ pride

gluttony

envy

sloth

Smith has checked off four of the "Seven Deadly Sins." Wow, he is one hell of a good christian role model.

Expand full comment
CageGirl's avatar

Very, "Do as I say, not as I do."

Expand full comment
Mr.E's avatar

You have to remember that "god" has "forgiven" him.

Expand full comment
regmeyer's avatar

As he is his own gawd, most likely true.

Expand full comment
Akira625's avatar

Three more sins, and he’s just like Donald Trump!

Expand full comment
Joan the Dork's avatar

You get a discount for bundling all seven!

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Tavner Smith violated all 7 Deadly Sins, just like TFG. Wonder if Trump will tap Smith as his running mate in '24?

Expand full comment
Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

It sounds like he’s acting like a military commander. But even they don’t take themselves all that seriously, they’ll allow people to speak to them and be casual most of the time.

Expand full comment
Matri's avatar

He's modeled himself after Trump.

The whole "When the President stands, nobody sits" part is lifted straight from West Wing.

Expand full comment
wreck's avatar

"Even the pope doesn’t take himself that seriously."

IKR? Have you seen his funny hats?

Expand full comment
CorporalKlinger's avatar

OT/

Hello to all of you! I just had a wonderful meal, good wine, an excellent Espresso and several spirit-lifting glasses of Grappa. There, a good spirit if you need one! Yeah, I'm somewhat srunk, and I'm in a really good mood right now. The meal was escellent and the peoöle preparing adn serving it were so lovely adn welcoming! If ou ever get to be in the South-West part of Germany, in the region of Baden-Württemberg, in the small town of Lampertheim, visit " Ristorante Arlequino, Da Nunzio" you won't be disappointed.

http://www.ristorante-arlecchino.com/

Yeah, I feel good now, slightly drunk, belly full of good food and I feel like sharing right now. I wish to tell you all how much I appreciate your "company", your thoughts , your insights and outsights. I had to leave th country that I love, the life that I loved , Sammy, the dog that I love, people that I love behind, and i'm very often very lonely, but when I#m here with you all,I really feel a company. I know it won't happen, but sometimes I wish we could all come together and share an opulent meal at "Da Nunzio" ! Life, Reality, always have been grim and hard for most of the people , and maybe it is due to the fact that our generations are the first to live in somewhat of a comfor, and security(compared to those generations that came before) that we are all so aware and conscious of all the things that are wrong and should be better! But, as I said, right now I'm somewhat drunk and I dond't want to hash my buzz, I rather share with you . And I want to share that we need too be together , in thought, spirit and willingness to overcome the shit that is happening right now. I wnat to believe that the world is full of good people and that the current rise of evil will be crushed by the will of the good pople. Damn, I didn't want to go there, I just wnated to share my feelgood with you. The days are getting longer,more light in he darkness, nature is ready to be reborn in spring ! Let ther be light and warmth for all of us. Feel huged and loved, it's nice to know you are out htere.

Ok, I'm drunk, but not so drunk that I wouldn't re-read what I've written, and I see all of my typos, but in the spirit of the monemt I let them be as they are. Again, huggs for you all and may the coming light shine into our lives and brighten our lives.

Expand full comment
Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Tell someone you love them today, because life is short. But shout it at them in German, because life is also terrifying and confusing.

ICH LIEBE DIECH!!!!!

Expand full comment
CorporalKlinger's avatar

Dich ;-))

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

"Ich bin zu betrunken zum Ficken." :)

Expand full comment
CorporalKlinger's avatar

Both at the same time rarely leads to enjoyment ;-))

Expand full comment
Guerilla Surgeon's avatar

Ich bin ein Berliner. :)

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Speaking German with a Massachusetts accent. :)

Expand full comment
CorporalKlinger's avatar

Can't be worse than speaking French with an Ibero-German accent!

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=JH75Kil173Y

Homonymy between ordinary words and various way to say I am drunk :D

Expand full comment
Guerilla Surgeon's avatar

My son had to work Christmas Day, but he's got a day off today so I'm cooking Christmas dinner this afternoon. Although the main course isn't particularly traditional, a chicken and leek pie, I'm doing a very traditional Victorian Christmas pudding. Considering it's going to be over 20°, it's probably going to maker us sweat like mad and put us to sleep for the rest of the evening. I'll be opening one of the bottles of wine we got from various real estate agents who sold our house and sold the one we have just moved into. One of them is a bottle of Piper Heidsieck, which I thought was a bit excessive until I realised how much their percentage fee came to. :) They must be coining it at the moment with the price of houses.

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

20°C or 20°F?

Expand full comment
Guerilla Surgeon's avatar

C ... who still uses F ????????

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

Muricans.

Expand full comment
Guerilla Surgeon's avatar

Ah.....Forgot. I am actually more comfortable with the imperial system myself, but nobody has used it for years. Except for TV screens funnily enough.

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

The scale really should have been 1000 rather than 100. It's just weird to use decimal points to measure temperature.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Americans. :)

Expand full comment
GrandmascienCe's avatar

AH HEM some of us science teachers FORBID anything but the metric system in our classes!

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

When the pandemic is over, remember that Paris is not that far 😝

Expand full comment
CorporalKlinger's avatar

I would love that, Paris is just 4h from where I live now. Vive la vie, fück the Pandemie.

Expand full comment
wreck's avatar

Prosit!

Expand full comment
CorporalKlinger's avatar

Dankeschön!

Expand full comment
Joan the Dork's avatar

With that kind of attitude, has he considered running for Congress? I'm sure the GQP would love to have him.

Expand full comment
BTII's avatar

It always cracks me up seeing how the Christian church has become so unappealing in modern times that they need hipster preachers and Christian rock to attract young believers. They're like aging pedophiles trying to stay appealing to their target demographic

https://giphy.com/gifs/30-rock-steve-buscemi-peacocktv-JTzPN5kkobFv7X0zPJ

(Almost) Gone are the days when you couldn't wear bright colors or tight clothes or dance to any music worth dancing to. You don't even have to have a familiarity with scripture anymore to be considered part of their "in-crowd"....because reading the bible takes too much time and effort.

Expand full comment
Akira625's avatar

You're not making Christianity better, you're just making rock and roll worse!

Expand full comment
maddog7's avatar

" reading the bible takes too much time and effort."

... better to make it up as you go !!

Expand full comment
regmeyer's avatar

They can cherry pick the few parts needed to make it sound legitimate.

Expand full comment
User's avatar
Comment deleted
Dec 25, 2021
Comment deleted
Expand full comment
CorporalKlinger's avatar

As far as we know, Jesus didn't write anything, and it is doubtful that he spoke Greek. The same goes for those “Apostles”, none of whom wrote any of those 'teachings' we consider gospels today.

Expand full comment
Matri's avatar

Decades ago, a Karen announced that "If the KJV was good enough for Jesus then it's good enough for us!"

Expand full comment
BTII's avatar

f(x)=x²-x-5

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

OT

New FAFO. Podcaster Doug Kuzma, MAGAt supporter of the Big Lie about the 'stolen' election and anti-vaxx lunatic, is now in a Virginia hospital on a ventilator. They say he needs 'heavy prayers.' Too bad for him that he foolishly rejected what he really needed. Too late now. Those prayers will do him absolutely no good, no matter how much they weigh.

Expand full comment
Joan the Dork's avatar

Too bad, so sad. Should have put his faith in a few ccs of medicine instead.

Expand full comment
Boreal's avatar

Heavy prayers? Is that like Heavy water?

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

When regular prayers just won't do, it's time to bring in the heavy stuff.

(How they propose to do this, I don't know. Worldwide podcast?)

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Did his church have a 10 Commandments monument anywhere on the property? Was "Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery" missing?

Expand full comment
CorporalKlinger's avatar

So often, the amendments to the first commandment are not mentioned:

1. Commandment/1. Amendment: "Preach water, drink wine!"

2. Amendment: "Don't get caught!"

3. Amendment: "Don't treat your accomplices like shit!"

Expand full comment
regmeyer's avatar

Those are there only to show heathens how pious they are.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

They should have called it Venus church.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Happy Boxing Day to all our cousins in the Great White North and elsewhere in the world where this day is celebrated.

Speaking of the white stuff, we've got snow here. Was supposed to come in yesterday to give us a white Christmas but held off until today (newspapers said it snowed here yesterday but I never saw any in my immediate neck of the woods. And when I woke up this morning we were still snow-free...until I went outside an hour later. Then it was an instant winter wonderland.

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

What is the estimated street value of all that "snow?"

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

I tried snorting snow once. Talk about brain freeze.

Expand full comment
Ryan's avatar

Hey, your post identifies Tavner Smith as the lead pastor of Venue Church, but the accusation of spousal abuse is against the worship pastor (see point number three in the Facebook post you have screenshot). And yet, you claim that Smith was the one putting his wife against the wall.

Facts are important, aren’t they?

Expand full comment
regmeyer's avatar

Sound like the evil is all through the organization.

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

OT - I just finished watching s01e08 of Santa Inc. There is another scene with full-frontal male nudity, and the elven Conan the Pompadour makes another cameo. There was a slight cliffhanger at the end, so there might be a season two.

Expand full comment
Boreal's avatar

Lol

Expand full comment
Maltnothops's avatar

I can’t turn on the volume on that video. I’ve watched it several times and don’t see anything untoward (except the body language is suggestive of people who are very familiar/friendly with each other). Does one of them SAY something that indicates infidelity?

Expand full comment