362 Comments
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larry parker's avatar

The first person to be prosecuted should be Salmon. She referenced Satan on State grounds. And more than 3 times.

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RegularJoe's avatar

Silty Hagfish has never been accused of being a smart person, nor a good person....

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Bill Wilson's avatar

After the third time, Satan can be heard to say: "Prick your thumbs. Your way I come!"

"Whoever fights monsters should see to it that in the process he does not become a monster. And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you." - Nietzsche

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

She trout* her faith as if nobody never heard of the babble.

* All complaints must go to Regular Joe, he started it 😁

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RegularJoe's avatar

Been thinking of what other aptronyms might fit. Some kind of soil, some kind of fish. But puns are *always* welcome!¹

(¹ Any Spider Robinson fans about?)

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Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

Hide it in a hiding place where no one ever goes

Put it in your pantry with your cupcakes

It's a little secret, just the Robinson's affair

Most of all, you've got to hide it from the kids

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Coo, coo, ca-choo.

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Kay-El's avatar

Here’s to you….! :D

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larry parker's avatar

Dusty big mouth ass.

Oops, did I forget a b?

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

Yeah, that bastard won't let me run a tab! 😤

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

So ... "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion" ... UNLESS the law involves Satanism? Check me on this, but I don't think that last is anywhere in the wording of the First Amendment. I said this yesterday and will repeat: there seem to be a LOT of adults in the halls of Iowa government who are scared out of their minds about an imaginary being, to the point where they feel the need to legislate against said being. Which reminds me of this:

𝐼𝑓 𝑤𝑒’𝑟𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑤 𝑢𝑝 𝑎𝑠 𝑎 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑒𝑠, 𝑤𝑒 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑎𝑑𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑦𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑚𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑧𝑒 𝑢𝑠.

-- TheraminTrees

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XJC's avatar

She cannot be diagnosed as delusional because its medical definition specifically excludes belief in a deity. Talk about the pot not calling the kettle...Christian!

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

I don't think she's delusional. I just think she's misguided and ill-advised and generally full of shit, that's all.

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XJC's avatar

Misguided by an imaginary deity...to the point of introducing this absurd piece of cultist legislation. Definitely not delusional, just a Good Christian doing her God's work (because God can't do it himself).

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oraxx's avatar

This bill is so mind-numbingly stupid and unconstitutional it could have only come from Gods Own Party. She evidently does not realize government cannot outlaw a religion, and if it could, then government could outlaw her religion as well. I wonder what problem she thinks she would be solving here.

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SeekingReason's avatar

Oraxx, I’m all for it. Banning displays does not ban religion! It does NOT belong on ANY public property PERIOD! I hope she becomes known as the woman who got rid of christian displays that violate our secular governments appeal to all.

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oraxx's avatar

I'm okay with banning all religious symbols, but that isn't what she's trying to do. She's attempting to ban one particular point of view.

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SeekingReason's avatar

Let’s all scream about our freedom of speech being taken away! It’s their tactic. 😁

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CozmoTheMagician's avatar

The bill would outlaw law CITIZENS from even wearing a t-shirt with just the word 'SATAN' on it. I could point at your haircut and say that it is a develish style and get you arrestedl You could be charged for being left-handed. That cute redhead that works at the DMV could not only be fired but locked up for coming to work with devil hair.

The list is fucking ENDLESS.

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Dianne Marie Leonard's avatar

Charged with being left-handed: been there, done that. My dad suffered from this and its associated torture. That did *not* work out well. And yeah, the rationale was entirely religious. Dad told me that one of the epithets directed at him (as a child) was "demon." The people who physically tortured and verbally abused him were exclusively christians.

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Munchygut's avatar

I went to a Catholic elementary school. The nuns would force the left handed kids to write with their right hands. Then they gave them bad grades for penmanship. It happened to my brother and my sister who were lefties.

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Sandra Carmen Marrujo's avatar

Where was this, if I may ask. Because I was sent to Catholic school all through h.s. (though I was an unbeliever by about age 11-12), but none of the nuns did anything like that. Of course, caveat, this was in California, in San Francisco, in a school in the Haight Ashbury (1950-63).

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Munchygut's avatar

Joliet, IL. Yeah you went to a hippie school. I too, did 13 years of Catholic school. Not all of the nuns did it tho. Once we made it past penmanship, they pretty much left them be.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

I was left handed, in second grade every time I took the pen with my left hand the teacher would put it back in the right. And since I was in a boardschool my mother (left handed too, had literally her arm tied at her back) didn't catch this in time. France, public school in the 1987-88 school.year.

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cdbunch's avatar

And the frightening thing is, that's still being done in the 21st century.

https://kfor.com/news/oklahoma-pre-k-teacher-allegedly-calls-being-left-handed-evil-and-sinister/

Not even 10 years ago.

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Dianne Marie Leonard's avatar

Jeez Louise, that's horrible! I thought my dad's experience 100 years ago had finally gone extinct.

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Dianne Marie Leonard's avatar

There's a term for what that teacher in Oklahoma did (and what my dad's teachers, one and all, did): conversion therapy. It's torture.

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cdbunch's avatar

I can't disagree with you. My mother went through something similar but significantly less severe (at least as she described it)

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Die Anyway's avatar

Well, it is sinister... and also gauche. 😉

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Bill Wilson's avatar

Six people walk about the Iowa Capital in t-shirts. One has a 'S' on the front and back. Two an 'A'. Another a 'T'. Another with a 'N'. The a last has the word 'Hail' front and back. Just out for a stroll.

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Tinker's avatar

Exactly! It's just like Trump's argument that he has complete immunity* to do anything he wants. What he clearly fails to understand is that any right carved out just for the President also applies to Joe Biden and all future non-Republican Presidents. If this law goes through in Iowa, what happens if and when non-theists get in power? I'll tell you what will happen; Christianity will be banned.

Keep pushing Maga-Christians. The harder you push that spring the harder it will push back.

*Immunity from what? I thought he "didn't do anything wrong"?

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ericc's avatar

You're cute. You think they'll be consistent. What immunity Alito can giveth to Trump, Alito can taketh away for a different plaintiff in a different case.

And likewise, the "historical" argument she gives is designed with him in mind, so that non-theists *can't* target Christianity with similar laws. Because Christianity was historically unique in it's role in US history, this legal defense only defends it and no other faith (or non-faith), see?

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XJC's avatar

Inspired by St. Ronnie, off mike: "We've outlawed communism. Bombs start dropping in five minutes."

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

“Any act of Satanic practice or worship that involves the ending of a life or the shedding of blood, whether the sacrifice be an animal or human, is prohibited.“

Like crucifying a man for the sake of all humanity? Then symbolically, but literally, eating his flesh and drinking his blood ritualistically? Or wearing the cross around your neck, displaying a cross or the crucifixion on the walls? Jesus Christ their whole religion is based on ritual sacrifice and they can’t see their stupid little law completely outlaws the very god they’re trying vainly to “protect”. What a fucking idiot.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑡𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑡 𝑁𝑜𝑡𝑟𝑒 𝐷𝑎𝑚𝑒, 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝐶ℎ𝑟𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑡𝑦 𝑖𝑠 𝑎 𝑐𝑢𝑙𝑡 𝑜𝑓 ℎ𝑢𝑚𝑎𝑛 𝑠𝑎𝑐𝑟𝑖𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑒.

-- Sam Harris

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Bill Wilson's avatar

Jesus is the incarnation of Dionysus.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

Or Mithras or Hercules or any number of similar figures which were invented around that time. JC hardly has a lock on the "died for your sins" routine.

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Bill Wilson's avatar

"If you die before you die you will not die when you die." - Eleusinian Mystery religion. Let's drink some, very special, wine.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

♫♪ Now let us all drink ... some very sexy wine! ♪♫

Kudos to anyone who gets that reference! 😁

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Sounds like Matt Berry in any role he’s ever played.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

Not what I had in mind, but nice guess. You need to think Wilder.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Without Maenads, unless we changed frenzied by crazy.

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Munchygut's avatar

Satan is only evil because those that made em up say he is evil. The TST don't even believe in an actual Satan as a being.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

The problem is that the christers don't want to hear that, won't hear it, and will likely ignore anyone who attempts to remind them about ANYTHING regarding TST. They know what they believe, and can't be bothered with inconvenient things like FACTS.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

I have an idea, let's place Sechat' statues in states capitols. Zoom in and look at her crown 😁

https://collections.louvre.fr/ark:/53355/cl010006332

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Bill Wilson's avatar

Bad hair day.

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Munchygut's avatar

Bad asp day.

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Bill Wilson's avatar

Ha! Yeah, those serpents are getting it on.

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

Are they same sex serpents?

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Yes, they are hermaphrodite.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Kinky!

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Die Anyway's avatar

Snakes on a plane?

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Ever notice how Christians who are the first to falsely cry "cancel culture" are also the first to actually practice that cancel culture.

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

They invented it. Excommunication, shunning.

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cdbunch's avatar

On the plus side, they're no longer using pyres and ropes to cancel people.

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

They had a rope ready for Mike Pence.

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Len Koz's avatar

That wasn't them, that was BLM and Antifa.

And if you believe that, I have a bridge between Manhattan and Brooklyn I can sell you for a very reasonable price.

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

I hate to tell you this 😔, but I already own it.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Banning, too.

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CozmoTheMagician's avatar

I could have looked that this in fucking elementary school and seen it was illegal,immoral,petty,and pure bullshit of a bill.

And this is from an adult in office. OMFSM, 'adults these days'.

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ericc's avatar

Love that their #1 clause targets their own religion.

#3 may be about abortion from her perspective, but it's likely to be shot down by the courts because of objections...by Christians. Specifically, Christian offshoots like Santeria occasionally sacrificing animals as part of their rituals. It's legal, as long as you're obeying local health codes. Had a friend whose neighbor did that. My friend objected to the county but couldn't really do anything about it.

2nd Part, #2 is an obvious appeal to Alito, since he created this new "historical practice" precedent in order to prevent gun control. She's hoping the courts will apply that same thing here.

They won't. This is political theater and DOA.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Like I said in one of my comments on the post about the Arizona's bill, kosher and hallal meat come from a religious practice and can be counted as an animal sacrifice.

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Then there’s Kaporos, where Jewish people swing a chicken over their heads while praying to transfer their sins to the chicken, then a special Rabbi slaughters the chicken. The meat is eaten in the feast after or donated to the poor. Not all Jewish people practice this, but it isn’t rare.

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Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

"but it isn’t rare."

I hope not, chicken should be cooked to at least 165°F.

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Bill Wilson's avatar

Israelite Samaritans perform animal sacrifice as part of their worship of the god that shall not be named.

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Len Koz's avatar

Tom Riddle?

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cdbunch's avatar

Voldemort wasn't the true villain of the modern Wizarding World.

She was:

https://www.zentaur.org/memes/hated_more_voldemort.jpg

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Vanity Unfair's avatar

That photo looks strangely familiar.

https://www.biography.com/political-figures/margaret-thatcher

It's probably just a coincidence.

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Vanity Unfair's avatar

#3: There is a SC decision:

https://www.uscourts.gov/educational-resources/educational-activities/exercise-religious-practices-rule-law

Of course, a later Court decision can overturn it as we have seen.

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Joan the Dork's avatar

Satanic Panic 2: Idiotic Bugaboo.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

There's that "Judeo-Christian" thing again.

Once more: Judeo-Christian is a Christian invention. Jews laugh at it and rabbis will tell you that they are two separate faiths.

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larry parker's avatar

‘One of our attorneys is a Jew’: Kayla Moore’

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NOGODZ20's avatar

This from the wife of the guy who likes young flesh and hangs around food courts at the mall.

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XJC's avatar

But...but...Jesus was a Jew. A bad Jew. What's wrong with that? (TM)

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Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

He was just a very naughty boy.

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XJC's avatar

Ivanka Trump is a Jew. So is her genius husband, Jared. Remember him? He solved the Middle East crisis during his tenure in the Trump Administration. His impact lives on today in Gaza City.

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Old Man Shadow's avatar

How about Christians also practice their religion in the privacy of their own homes and stop trying to piss on everything public to mark it as their own exclusive territory? Hmm?

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Len Koz's avatar

Can't do that, then no one would know how virtuous they are.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Even Jeebus told his followers not to make their faith a public thing. Do that and his daddy won't reward them.

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larry parker's avatar

Yikes! She lives close to me. Same school district, different county. Of course, her kids didn't attend the school. From Wikipedia, "As a home educator, Salmon provided K-12 education to her children."

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

"As a home educator, Salmon provided K-12 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑒𝑑𝑢𝑐𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛 to her children."

FIFY

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cdbunch's avatar

Oh, I suppose there are a few parents who manage to give their children an actual education at home, but there is a lot of fraud in home schooling. So much, that I believe the bad outweighs the good.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

I see jobs at the local fast food joints in her kids futures.

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larry parker's avatar

No "local" fast food joints.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

They're gonna have to commute for the privilege of saying "You want fries with that?"

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larry parker's avatar

The closest is the new TacoBell, no fries. : )

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Heard that in John Belushi's voice.

CHEESEBURGER! CHEESEBURGER! CHEESEBURGER! No fries. Chips. No Coke. Pepsi.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

I want mine without cheese and meat. And check if it's French French fries and not what you call French but are actually Belgian fries 😋

Thank you.

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cdbunch's avatar

Nacho fries. Been a thing for a couple of years now.

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XJC's avatar

I see mass murderer and pastor, respectively.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Let's take this a bit further and propose a bill banning all graven images on state property.

You know. Like 10 Commandment monuments.

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Die Anyway's avatar

And Confederate generals.

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Daniel Rotter's avatar

"Judeo-Christian faith?" They are two faiths.

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Joan the Dork's avatar

They're one faith as long as the Christians need a token Jewish friend.

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cdbunch's avatar

To the various token friends: One of the jobs of a friend is to tell someone when they're being an asshole. Quit worrying about being polite and tell the asshole the truth.

If you're struggling for the words, may I suggest: "Fuck off and die, preferably by Fire Ant swarm"

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Bill Wilson's avatar

People of the book.

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Pete Schult's avatar

In which case, given the origin of your phrase, Daniel should have said "Judeo-Christian-Muslim-Sabian" (and possibly a few more hyphens after that)

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Bill Wilson's avatar

We don't fight. too much, over whether there is a god. We fight over how to worship god.

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cdbunch's avatar

First, everyone who wants to worship 'god' should be allowed to do so without interference from their neighbors. It's not their business how you worship, but that also means it's none of your business how they worship.

Second, any being, deity or mortal, that desires worship is not worthy of it. Personally, I'd think being worshiped would get old and annoying rather quickly.

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Kay-El's avatar

Exactly. How many prayers for money, cars and material goods instead of world peace, end to hunger, etc can you listen to?

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Len Koz's avatar

But "my friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends".

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larry parker's avatar

{takes down cdbunch altar} : )

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Guerillasurgeon's avatar

I see there are floods in California – any Californians? Are you all okay?

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

Malibu Man. BensNewLogIn. Daniel Rotter. Dianne Marie Leonard. DrShell. GrandmascienCe? Old Man Shadow. Pandagrl1? Richard Wade. Sandra Carmen Marrujo .

Please, correct me if I am wrong.

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Daniel Rotter's avatar

I'm a Californian. Doing fine thank you. I wish the same to all the fellow residents of my state.

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Bagen Onuts's avatar

Possible tornado in LA.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

But climate change isn't real. :S

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Cathy G's avatar

"Any act of Satanic practice or worship that involves the ending of a life or the shedding of blood, whether the sacrifice be an animal or human, is prohibited."

I was raised Catholic. One of the most important and sacred beliefs is that an ordained priest turns a wafer of bread into the literal body of Christ and turns the wine into the literal blood of Christ. Not figuratively or symbolically, but literally. It is called the transubstantiation. This ritual would likely be illegal under the proposed law. Not only is blood "shed" by turning the wine into blood, but the Catholics attending mass line up to eat the body and drink the blood. If that doesn't sound Satanic, I don't know what does.

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Guerillasurgeon's avatar

I'm pretty sure that evangelicals would be quite happy to have Catholicism labelled satanic – in some quarters anyway.

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Bagen Onuts's avatar

Those "Mary Worshiping Heathens."

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