99 Comments
User's avatar
NOGODZ20's avatar

Religious freedom, xtians.

How's it taste?

regmeyer's avatar

As bland and disgusting as those cookies they serve during services.

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

No, religious freedom tastes good, that’s why they hate it so much. They’re used to the bland glue crackers.

XJC's avatar

Like matzoh, which is what Jewish Jesus ate before he was turned into God 100 years after his not death.

NOGODZ20's avatar

They could at least salt them for tang. Would even fit right in with "body and blood" (blood tastes salty, amirite?)

cdbunch's avatar

Like the Ashes they'll mark on their forehead in a couple of months.

Matri's avatar

Hmm... *flips through the Bible* Didn't I remember this thing saying something about a "Mark of the Beast"?

XJC's avatar

You mean did he go down on her? The article doesn't say.

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

The Catholic priest is just upset that this baby is out of his reach. This baby would be too smart to be a victim.

Maltnothops's avatar

I went to TST’s desanctification ceremony at the Bladensburg Peace Cross last summer and the Catholics were on-scene hysterical there. The RCC really has a problem with Satan. It’s almost like they take it seriously.

ETA: Also, hi everyone!

NOGODZ20's avatar

Therrre you are.

Hi back. :)

Maltnothops's avatar

Have I missed any pun threads?

NOGODZ20's avatar

Keep in mind: The one pun thread I'm thinking of (in the article about the Christian jewelry store suing the military over faith-based dog tags) was very short. Getting a flow going is very difficult at Substack.

And I didn't go back any further than the Copeland article, so there might be some I'm unaware of.

Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Salut, tout seul :D

Time machine 2023.

larry parker's avatar

I don't remember a story about Mary crushing a serpent. Maybe I need a different version of the bible.

Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

Mary's never even seen a one eyed snake.

Matri's avatar

That's what she WANTS you to think...

NOGODZ20's avatar

She was too busy with an amorous, halo-wearing pigeon.

Maltnothops's avatar

I just watched Life of Brian again. “Never mind the myrrh next time.”

NOGODZ20's avatar

Matthew's "3 Wise Men" story is always good for a giggle.

Joseph and Mary were devout Jews and would never have taken gifts from anyone outside the faith. They would have shunned associating with 3 men who would have been viewed as heathens.

RegularJoe's avatar

We don't even know there were three of 'em. We know there was more than one, and they brought three types of gifts (Goldschläger, Frankenberry, and merch.)

NOGODZ20's avatar

"Wise. They got fekkin lost!"

- Agnes Brown, "Mrs. Brown's Boys."

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Mary crushed Joseph’s serpent every night when she compared him to god.

Matri's avatar

*whispers* Little known fact, Mary was an underground MMA champion.

NOGODZ20's avatar

Her joint lock submission hold was the Crucifix Neck Crank.

Matthew A Baker's avatar

Mary and the serpent is fully in the realm of Catholic Dogma. While I don't necessarily get the Mary veneration the iterations of Mary have a subtle symbolism-snakes, crowns, cherubs,etc. I found that the local Catholics often have different versions of Mary statues in their lawns. Unsurprisingly the best place to learn about the different statues is websites selling them. Mary isn't safe from consumerism.

User's avatar
Comment deleted
Dec 22, 2021
Comment deleted
larry parker's avatar

"serpentballs with couscous"

That would be the Last thing I'd want for Supper.

NOGODZ20's avatar

We have a shop here that sells SNL products. Among them? Colon Blow and Schweddy Balls.

(Ben & Jerry's also briefly made Schweddy Balls Ice Cream. That was sooooo good)

GrandmascienCe's avatar

How about Dick in a Box? ;)

Maltnothops's avatar

I’ve seen male snakes. Didn’t notice any balls.

Maltnothops's avatar

Admittedly, I didn’t look there.

“ Their size is dependent on the season.” Interesting!

RegularJoe's avatar

Pretend they're fish....or maybe tie a magic string around them?

Matri's avatar

I will never stop mocking Lent.

cdbunch's avatar

Water wet, Sky Blue, Christians think forums should only be for them. News at 10

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Laws exist only to protect them and apply to the others.

regmeyer's avatar

And then only for their brand.

Mike Kaminski's avatar

Makes me want to join the satanic church

Akira625's avatar

They’ve shown themselves to be more moral, and more respectful of church-state separation than many Christians.

Matri's avatar

That's a very low bar. Newborn hyenas are more moral and respectful than many Christians.

regmeyer's avatar

I am sure that there are a lot of protestants that think the cat-lickers are just as Satanic as the true Satanists are and should also not be allowed to display in their capital building.

Grumpy Grimnir's avatar

So christians who want the god-free to burn in hell lost their shit over this?

Successfully trolled.

NOGODZ20's avatar

Persecution is only OK if Christians do it.

If those same Christians feel they're being even slightly inconvenienced, listen for the screams from coast to coast.

regmeyer's avatar

Coming from the same ones who think Freedom from Religion groups from out of state have no rights to interfere with their local attempts to force their religion down everyone's throats.

NOGODZ20's avatar

Like the Mormons who stuck their noses into California's business and supported Prop 8 in that state.

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Now it’s Matt Walsh renting a basement room at a friend’s house for a dollar so he can get a lease agreement to attend a school board meeting in a state he doesn’t live while his children are all homeschooled. But the FFRF is an outside agitator.

CorporalKlinger's avatar

From coast to coast only? I'm quite sure you can hear them from high orbit, despite the lack of air.

NOGODZ20's avatar

I usually say that they can be heard from the rocky coast of Maine to the sands of Oahu. :)

Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Only if true christians do it, it's why the battle royal is still going on.

CorporalKlinger's avatar

I particularly enjoyed the invocation ritual-better than anything Christians have to offer, and certainly more fun as you get to see their jaws hitting the ground and heads imploding.

Guerilla Surgeon's avatar

I think I'd sooner have a baby Hellboy, but this will do.

Patricia L Multz's avatar

The Knights Templar worshipped the Baphomet and they were devout Catholics. They have also been named "God's Army" by the pope. So, there you go.

Matri's avatar

Fun fact: In Darklands, your final level is a multiple-maps long assault into the Knights Templar's stronghold.

https://www.gog.com/game/darklands

Francisco M's avatar

Religious Fanatics can't see the irony of this. Lol

NOGODZ20's avatar

Too bad Bishop Pop Rocks and all those protestors don't show the same concern over children being molested by the RCC clergy.

No, it was a Baphomet display that got them up in arms. And they wonder why more and more Catholic churches are going bankrupt/closing.

CorporalKlinger's avatar

It's telling that they think they have the right to disparage, mock, ban, cancel, torture, and kill every other denomination, every other religious faith or non-faith and then get all upset and angry when the same is applied to them.

Boreal's avatar

Interestingly, you can comment anonymously on Religion news.

Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

The fact that you can comment at all is unusual.

BTII's avatar

Satan is in the bible too, and if Abrahamic scripture is true, he is Jesus' older brother. We deserve to learn about this family too. Christians are always mocking us non-believers, so if they feel mocked by a biblical character, it's their own problem.

Matri's avatar

So much for "family values", amirite?