99 Comments

Religious freedom, xtians.

How's it taste?

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As bland and disgusting as those cookies they serve during services.

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No, religious freedom tastes good, that’s why they hate it so much. They’re used to the bland glue crackers.

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Like matzoh, which is what Jewish Jesus ate before he was turned into God 100 years after his not death.

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They could at least salt them for tang. Would even fit right in with "body and blood" (blood tastes salty, amirite?)

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Like the Ashes they'll mark on their forehead in a couple of months.

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Hmm... *flips through the Bible* Didn't I remember this thing saying something about a "Mark of the Beast"?

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You mean did he go down on her? The article doesn't say.

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The Catholic priest is just upset that this baby is out of his reach. This baby would be too smart to be a victim.

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Dec 22, 2021·edited Dec 22, 2021

I went to TST’s desanctification ceremony at the Bladensburg Peace Cross last summer and the Catholics were on-scene hysterical there. The RCC really has a problem with Satan. It’s almost like they take it seriously.

ETA: Also, hi everyone!

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Therrre you are.

Hi back. :)

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Have I missed any pun threads?

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You did. Sorry.

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Keep in mind: The one pun thread I'm thinking of (in the article about the Christian jewelry store suing the military over faith-based dog tags) was very short. Getting a flow going is very difficult at Substack.

And I didn't go back any further than the Copeland article, so there might be some I'm unaware of.

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Nope, that one is it.

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Dec 23, 2021·edited Jul 28, 2023

Salut, tout seul :D

Time machine 2023.

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I don't remember a story about Mary crushing a serpent. Maybe I need a different version of the bible.

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Mary's never even seen a one eyed snake.

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That's what she WANTS you to think...

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She was too busy with an amorous, halo-wearing pigeon.

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And three not so wise guys.

https://www.gocomics.com/realitycheck/2021/12/22

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I just watched Life of Brian again. “Never mind the myrrh next time.”

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Matthew's "3 Wise Men" story is always good for a giggle.

Joseph and Mary were devout Jews and would never have taken gifts from anyone outside the faith. They would have shunned associating with 3 men who would have been viewed as heathens.

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We don't even know there were three of 'em. We know there was more than one, and they brought three types of gifts (Goldschläger, Frankenberry, and merch.)

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Nyuk, nyuk?

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"Wise. They got fekkin lost!"

- Agnes Brown, "Mrs. Brown's Boys."

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Dec 22, 2021·edited Dec 22, 2021

Coo coo cachoo!

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Mary crushed Joseph’s serpent every night when she compared him to god.

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Dec 23, 2021·edited Dec 23, 2021

*whispers* Little known fact, Mary was an underground MMA champion.

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Her joint lock submission hold was the Crucifix Neck Crank.

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Mary and the serpent is fully in the realm of Catholic Dogma. While I don't necessarily get the Mary veneration the iterations of Mary have a subtle symbolism-snakes, crowns, cherubs,etc. I found that the local Catholics often have different versions of Mary statues in their lawns. Unsurprisingly the best place to learn about the different statues is websites selling them. Mary isn't safe from consumerism.

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"serpentballs with couscous"

That would be the Last thing I'd want for Supper.

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Everyone should try my Schweddy Balls.

https://youtu.be/bPpcfH_HHH8

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We have a shop here that sells SNL products. Among them? Colon Blow and Schweddy Balls.

(Ben & Jerry's also briefly made Schweddy Balls Ice Cream. That was sooooo good)

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How about Dick in a Box? ;)

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I’ve seen male snakes. Didn’t notice any balls.

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You have to know where to look. : )

https://en.wikivet.net/Snake_Reproductive_System#Testes

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Admittedly, I didn’t look there.

“ Their size is dependent on the season.” Interesting!

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Pretend they're fish....or maybe tie a magic string around them?

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I will never stop mocking Lent.

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Water wet, Sky Blue, Christians think forums should only be for them. News at 10

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Laws exist only to protect them and apply to the others.

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And then only for their brand.

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Makes me want to join the satanic church

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They’ve shown themselves to be more moral, and more respectful of church-state separation than many Christians.

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That's a very low bar. Newborn hyenas are more moral and respectful than many Christians.

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I am sure that there are a lot of protestants that think the cat-lickers are just as Satanic as the true Satanists are and should also not be allowed to display in their capital building.

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So christians who want the god-free to burn in hell lost their shit over this?

Successfully trolled.

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Persecution is only OK if Christians do it.

If those same Christians feel they're being even slightly inconvenienced, listen for the screams from coast to coast.

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Coming from the same ones who think Freedom from Religion groups from out of state have no rights to interfere with their local attempts to force their religion down everyone's throats.

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Like the Mormons who stuck their noses into California's business and supported Prop 8 in that state.

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Now it’s Matt Walsh renting a basement room at a friend’s house for a dollar so he can get a lease agreement to attend a school board meeting in a state he doesn’t live while his children are all homeschooled. But the FFRF is an outside agitator.

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From coast to coast only? I'm quite sure you can hear them from high orbit, despite the lack of air.

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I usually say that they can be heard from the rocky coast of Maine to the sands of Oahu. :)

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Only if true christians do it, it's why the battle royal is still going on.

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I particularly enjoyed the invocation ritual-better than anything Christians have to offer, and certainly more fun as you get to see their jaws hitting the ground and heads imploding.

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I think I'd sooner have a baby Hellboy, but this will do.

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The Knights Templar worshipped the Baphomet and they were devout Catholics. They have also been named "God's Army" by the pope. So, there you go.

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Dec 23, 2021·edited Dec 23, 2021

Fun fact: In Darklands, your final level is a multiple-maps long assault into the Knights Templar's stronghold.

https://www.gog.com/game/darklands

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Religious Fanatics can't see the irony of this. Lol

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Too bad Bishop Pop Rocks and all those protestors don't show the same concern over children being molested by the RCC clergy.

No, it was a Baphomet display that got them up in arms. And they wonder why more and more Catholic churches are going bankrupt/closing.

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It's telling that they think they have the right to disparage, mock, ban, cancel, torture, and kill every other denomination, every other religious faith or non-faith and then get all upset and angry when the same is applied to them.

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Interestingly, you can comment anonymously on Religion news.

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The fact that you can comment at all is unusual.

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Dec 22, 2021·edited Dec 22, 2021

Satan is in the bible too, and if Abrahamic scripture is true, he is Jesus' older brother. We deserve to learn about this family too. Christians are always mocking us non-believers, so if they feel mocked by a biblical character, it's their own problem.

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So much for "family values", amirite?

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