322 Comments
User's avatar
Holytape's avatar

Dear Dana Nessel,

You asked me how dissolving your marriage and that of hundreds of thousands of Americans will help Michiganders. Well, I can give you an example, mind you, it is a hypothetical example. And in no way resembles anyone that I know. But just imagine an up and coming lawmaker, say a state representative. And this law maker has a wife and and some kids. Sure the wife is pretty-looking, I supposed, and this dashing state representative tries to love her. But she just drones on and on, and the more she talks the more he begins to resent her. It's just nonstop, and the more she goes, the less and less this handsome state representative, who is well-like and incredibly intelligent, begins become physically repulsed by her. And then that turns into a disinterest to women in general. Oh sure he tries to spark his interest by banging a few doe-eyed interns. But nothing can scratch his itch. And then Stephen happens. The tall strapping beautiful man walks into this amazingly popular state representative's life. Stephen is a Viking god made man. And the well-liked and charming state representative falls madly in love with Stephen. And because the state representative is so amazing, so interesting and just so damned hot, Stephen falls in love with him too. And it is amazing. It is hot. But then Stephen asks the the cool state representative, who is just hypothetical, l need I remind you, to marry him. He says "Divorce your wife. You don't love her, Josh (That is the name of the fictional state representative). You and I can just run away together to Hawaii or some tropical beach." And Stephen is right. The ugly and obnoxious wife and the snot-nosed kids are just millstones around his neck. And they are drowning him. That state representative can't even breathe. He feels everyday, he is getting buried deeper and deeper into a pit. And Stephen, glorious Stephen, is this shining ladder of happiness. All he has to do is grab it and climb. But then the state representative, realizes that as soon as he grabs that ladder, he'll lose his power. His seat in the Michigan house will be lost. Probably taken by some disgusting woman. He can't have that, but the temptation is too great. And Stephen wants to get married. But if we remove the option to get married, then the temptation is gone. Stephen will have to back off, and we, I meant the state representative and Stephen can go back to the way it was. Meeting in closets after work. Hotel rooms on business trips. See, getting rid of Gay marriage can help Michiganders.

Sincerely

State Representative Josh Shriver.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

I regret I have only one upvote to give.

Expand full comment
Holli's avatar

Same!

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Stephen deserves better. Should really go to a shelter for abused men and learn how to leave a toxic relationship.

Expand full comment
Robot Bender's avatar

Assuming the wife in question is even doing what he accused her of. Self justification is powerful.

Expand full comment
Charles Newman's avatar

"work for God" The MAGA cult is amazing, reminiscent of late 1930s and early 1940s Germany. The next four years in the USA is going to be a roller coaster ride with long term ramifications.

Hang on!

In God We Trust?

Expand full comment
RegularJoe's avatar

Gott Mit Uns.

Expand full comment
DrShell's avatar

Meh. I worship dogs. They are worthy of it and actually exist.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

FWIW, Gott Mit Uns predates the Nazis. It dates back to the 17th Century.

Expand full comment
RegularJoe's avatar

The swastika goes back much further.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Yup. On the order of 6,000 years old. India seems to be the first to have used it.

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

I believe the Indian swastika rotates clockwise, in harmony with nature. The Nazi rotates counter-clockwise to symbolize disharmony.

Expand full comment
Reyn's avatar

If only Hitler had a more creative graphics department…

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

I saw something last year about how fascist movements have this tendency to steal symbols and use them for their own ends.

Expand full comment
Joe King's avatar

Thus forever tainting symbols such that they cannot be used again.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Yes, they appropriate the hell out of otherwise decent symbols.

Expand full comment
Die Anyway's avatar

I have a WW-I era German helmet with the phrase "Mit Gott für König und Vaterland".

Pretty much the same sentiment....gotta get God in there when you go to war.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

I love to throw that at the liars who claim the Nazis weren't christians!

Expand full comment
Straw's avatar

Agreed, if you meant the god Thor.

Expand full comment
Holytape's avatar

Thor. Your god is weak. Only Macuiltochtli and his Centzon Tōtōchtin, the gods of excess and drunkenness is worthy of your worship. If your religion doesn't have drunken orgies hosted by 400 mythical rabbits dedicated to getting you drunk, is it even a religion?

Expand full comment
Straw's avatar

Thor is the thunder god. One of his wifes is me, if you use my real Norwegian first name. He is awesome.

Expand full comment
Holytape's avatar

He maybe awesome, but is he 400 drunk bunnies awesome? I think not.

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

Your name is Sif?

Expand full comment
Straw's avatar

Same name, but written a tiny bit different nowadays.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Or Jarnsaxa.

Expand full comment
Straw's avatar

Not me. He had several wives.

Expand full comment
RegularJoe's avatar

Tak's the only one worth paying any attention to. 🙂

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

https://www.zentaur.org/memes/shirtless-thor.png

Definitely willing to get on my knees and worship him.

Expand full comment
Bensnewlogin's avatar

I'm sure that your mouth will be filled with praise.

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Or Pedro. :)

Expand full comment
Lynn Veit's avatar

God didn't do a damned thing to prevent any of this, so hell fucking no.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

"Jesus defines marriage as between a man and a woman."

Jesus was a lifelong bachelor, Sniveler. Your words might mean something if the US Constitution got removed from its display case and set on fire and we were formally turned into a Christian theocracy. Neither of those things has happened.

Oh, and do we have to remind you AGAIN that Christians did not invent marriage nor do they own it?

Expand full comment
ericc's avatar

Jesus told his followers to remain celibate (and, implied, single). He only recommended marriage if the follower was such a loser they couldn't keep it in their pants.

But Schriver's theological ignorance is somewhat beside the point, since nobody now, in the past, or in the future wants to force *churches* to conduct or condone gay religious marriage ceremonies. When the state gives out a marriage certificate, that's about rendering unto Caesar (or maybe Caesar rendering unto you), it's not about Jesus' definition of anything.

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

One more reich-wing Christian who wants to strip away rights from people who 1) live productive lives, 2) haven't harmed him, and 3) are to him nothing more than a convenient target for his irrational hatred. Whether Schriver garners any support for his position among Michiganers in his district or within the state is a question mark at best. I have little doubt but that outfits like the Alliance Defending Freedom will just LOVE him, but whether it goes any further than that is really up to the citizens of the Wolverine State.

Let's hope they have more sense than he apparently does.

Expand full comment
ericc's avatar

Barrett and Thomas are a solid 'repeal' for SSM and likely a host of other rights.

The three liberal justices are a solid 'support,' and probably Roberts is too (for legacy reasons, even if his politics would be conservative).

So it comes down to whether Thomas can pull in two of Alito, Gorsuch, and Kavanaugh. IMO it's 'too close to call.'

(Things obviously get much worse if any of those six no or maybes get replaced by a new Justice in the next four years.)

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Alito is a sure bet for yes, he hates all the rights that were gained in the 60's onward.

Expand full comment
oraxx's avatar

A state legislature cannot over ride a Supreme Court decision.

Expand full comment
RegularJoe's avatar

But it can start the ball rolling towards SCOTUS.

Expand full comment
avis piscivorus's avatar

“We have a duty to lead people as representatives who are appointed by God to make sure that we have a state that is not just good, not just great, but godly,” Schriver declared.

-- Wrong, you are a representative elected by the people from your state, and your job is to serve them.

“Honestly, I work for God and not for man. And so at the end of the day, I answer to one person, and that’s Jesus Christ.”

-- Wrong again, you work for all the people from your state. You just made a public statement that you don't intent to do your job. If you have any decency, you should resign now.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

We know he has no decency.

Expand full comment
Reyn's avatar

He's a Christian, therefore "forgiven." That allows for a whole lot of naughty behaviors.

Expand full comment
Robot Bender's avatar

Never trust anyone who thinks they can just go to their deity or priest for forgiveness. That just leads to atrocities.

Expand full comment
Lynn Veit's avatar

"appointed by God." (?) What planet is this guy from? Did he somehow not notice that he went through an election?

No, Shriver, you smug, ignorant little piece of shit, representatives are fucking elected, not appointed, and your fucking duty is to serve the people who voted for you to do just that. You were elected, not appointed, to put their best interests forward, even ahead of yours.

"I work for God and not for man."

On your own time, asshole, you can work for the tooth fairy if you like, and no one will stop you. But once you set foot in the legislative chamber, your time belongs to the government, which pays your salary, and the people who voted for you. You are theirs. Pretty raw deal for them but that's how it works.

So shut your goddamn pie hole about how goddamn righteous and important you think you are.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

🎯

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Actually, not just the people who voted for him, but the ones who didn't.

Expand full comment
Lynn Veit's avatar

Yes, they're entitled to fair representation, no matter who won. But they won't get it, unfortunately. They'll get an arrogant little tin-plated moron who will strut and preen for the news cameras, whip up culture war after culture war, and scream bloody murder about things that are none of his or anyone else's business.

IOW, he won't do a damned bit of the actual government work he was hired to do. And I would bet real money that he will sabotage any bills designed to actually help his constituents.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

He's just trying out for the wingnut welfare gravy train.

Expand full comment
Lynn Veit's avatar

I hope that train runs over him.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

🤣😂👏👏❤️

Expand full comment
Don Hawkins's avatar

#TaxChurches Tax All Churches. There is no Sky Daddy. The bible is a work of fiction. Religion is the number one cause of war. Religious groups are hate groups.

Expand full comment
Reyn's avatar

Tax their real estate. Property taxes pay for municipal services that these freeloaders use. End the Parsonage Exempt. One church here in Dallas had 11 exempt houses and was even receiving rent on a few.

Expand full comment
Don Hawkins's avatar

Was that between sodomizing Atar Boys, or was it a different branch of the criminal cabal?

Expand full comment
Reyn's avatar

different branch……

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Bet there are clergy that like to mix business with 'pleasure.'

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

"Make gay marriage illegal again.

This is not remotely controversial, nor extreme."

Let's take that self-serving, incredibly clueless assertion and flip the script, Sniveler:

"Make Christmas illegal again and forbid Christians to celebrate it.

This is not remotely controversial, nor extreme."

How's it taste now, Sniveler?

Expand full comment
MalibuMan's avatar

I'm happy with Winter Solstice which is what xmas was a plagerism of anyway.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Me too.

Christians just can't stop violating the 8th and 10 Commandments (or if you're Catholic, the 7th and 10th).

Expand full comment
Kristi Noem’s Goat's avatar

It’s funny how he bashes pornography but doesn’t mention n the Bible where two sisters are doing it with their drunk daddy.

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

Or that woman with her lovers in Ezekiel 23:20!

Expand full comment
MalibuMan's avatar

"Oh daddy!!"

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

"drunk" daddy. FIFY

Expand full comment
oraxx's avatar

His brand of Christianity pretends to be advancing good in the world by persecuting one targeted group or another. They never run out of people to hate. When same sex marriage was legalized, there was no earth shattering collapse of society. Jesus did not come riding in with his flaming sword to smite the wicked. The Christian-nationalists can talk about their loving Jesus and the glorious afterlife from now on, but there is nothing they crave so much as power and control on this earthly plain, as well as the wealth that goes with it.

Expand full comment
Robot Bender's avatar

That's all that religion was ever about. Fear, wealth, hatred of others, and control.

Expand full comment
Reyn's avatar

“The national government will maintain and defend the foundations on which the power of our nation rests. It will offer strong protection to Christianity as the very basis of our collective morality. Today Christians stand at the head of our country. I pledge that I never will tie myself to parties who want to destroy Christianity. We want to fill our culture again with the Christian spirit. We want to burn out all the recent immoral developments in literature, in entertainment, and in the press – in short, we want to burn out the poison of immorality which has entered into our whole life and culture as a result of liberal excess during recent years.”

This statement comes from a radio address that Adolf Hitler gave to the German people on July 22, 1933. (From “The Speeches of Adolf Hitler, 1922-1939, vol. 1, Norman H. Baynes, ed. (London: Oxford University Press, 1942), pp. 871-71

Expand full comment
ericc's avatar

I wonder if someone surveyed GOP lawmakers about whether they agreed or disagreed with that statement - without the attribution - how many would agree with it. 80%? 110%?

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

But, but, but...Hitler was an atheist. All the reichwing Christians tell me so.

Expand full comment
Reyn's avatar

Like our Pumpkin Spiced Potentate, Adolph wasn't Xian, but he sure knew how to use The One True God to his advantage.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

From Wikipedia: "In a speech in 1932, Hitler declared himself "not a Catholic and not a Protestant, but a German Christian". The German Christians were a Protestant group that supported Nazi ideology."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Religious_views_of_Adolf_Hitler#:~:text=In%20a%20speech%20in%201932,group%20that%20supported%20Nazi%20ideology.

Expand full comment
Lynn Veit's avatar

Scary.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

This story appeared in the comment section of yesterday's FA article.

What is missing from today's story that I remarked on yesterday was the fact that Clarence Thomas is backing Schriver's vileness. I mentioned that I wondered what Thomas' reaction would have been if Schriver had called for making interracial marriage illegal again.

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

To quote Emily Litella: "Ooooo! That's DIFFERENT! Never mind!"

Expand full comment
Sko Hayes's avatar

He doesn't realize (or maybe he does), there are House members calling to end interracial marriage.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

I really believe Judge Three-Fifths sees a white man looking back at him when he looks in the mirror.

Expand full comment
Anri's avatar

His reaction would be "I am wealthy and powerful and what's the point of that if I have to follow the same law as the plebes? The US people have voted - some people are just plan above the law. Who am I to argue?"

Expand full comment
Robot Bender's avatar

No, it wouldn't bother him because he knows it would never be enforced against him. He's too useful to lose on the USSC.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Maybe it's just a rumor, but both Thomas and Alito might be retiring (or being given the push by Trump).

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Ah, no inconvenient impediment to banning interracial marriage then.

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

I don't know what you're talking about, Thomas is white. Or so he thinks.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

"Honestly I work for God and not for man. And so at the end of the day, I answer to one person, and that's Jesus Christ."

Then you have violated your oath of office to support and and defend the Constitution of the United States, a document that nowhere mentions Jesus nor anything else that is Christian in nature. Did you lie when you took that oath? Then you are also in violation of the 9th Commandment, which was originally intended to prevent perjury in judicial trials, but now applies to ALL forms of lying.

Oh, and Christ is not a name. It is a title that is meaningless in a secular government.

Expand full comment
ericc's avatar

"Then you have violated your oath of office..."

He lies under oath for God, too, when the work demands it.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

That's Jesus H. Christ, thank you very much. The H stands for "Hello, sailor".

Expand full comment
Lynn Veit's avatar

His first name is actually Andy. It's in the song.

"Andy walks with me, Andy talks with me, Andy tells me I am his own...."

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

Wait, does that mean we're all toys in some version of "Toy Story"?

Expand full comment
Lynn Veit's avatar

Yep. And the toys that the Rotting Mango doesn't like are going to be tossed in the fire.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

Too bad we can't give Tangerine Tojo to Sid next door.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

And here I thought it was Haploid.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

😁

Expand full comment
Shawn K. Younkin's avatar

This guy screams closeted gay...

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

He wants to ban porn? Does he realize that the bible belt is the biggest consumer of porn (especially gay porn) in the entire country?

He tries to define marriage in Jesus terms. Guess what? The bible belt also leads the way in having the highest divorce rate in the entire country.

Expand full comment
Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Only until they get their grubby claws on no fault divorce.

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

I'm sure that will work out as well, if not better, than banning alcohol did a hundred years ago.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

He wants to ban porn so he stops watching all those videos of hot, young, well-endowed men.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

The bigger the animosity, the deeper the closet.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Like Comstock, the chronic masturbator.

Expand full comment
Lynn Veit's avatar

They'll have make divorce illegal...ooops, too many of THEM are divorced.

Expand full comment
Guerillasurgeon's avatar

As one of Spike Milligan's characters to a judge said in his book (you'll not get the reference but it's a goodie.) Tha'll never stop fookin' in Bradford." I'm all in favour of giving teenage computer nerds a bit of a challenge. Maybe not to this extent though.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

And infidelity rates, and rape, and teen pregnancy...

Expand full comment
wreck's avatar

"I rebuke the sadistic satanic baphomet goat"

You rebuked it? Guess that's game over, Joshie. You win. Now go home and get on with your paste eating.

Expand full comment
Kristi Noem’s Goat's avatar

He was appointed by God. LOL. These people have quite the egos.

Expand full comment
Reyn's avatar

That is antithetical to the purpose of our Founding Fathers. This United States is based on the principle that our leaders are not divinely chosen like kings. Americans chose our leaders (those of us who vote) without concern for the wishes of any divine supernatural entity, real or imagined.

Expand full comment