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Richard S. Russell's avatar

A literal tall tale!

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Beat me to it. Like, literally as I was typing it. :)

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Bill Wilson's avatar

This just in - "Woman grows an inch taller, jumps for joy, and is killed by ceiling fan."

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Unintended consequences. They'll get you every time.

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Richard Wade's avatar

Oh yeah?! Well, by using the Power of Atheism I can slide the end of my index finger off and on without any pain, and there's no trace of any wound! It freaks little kids out, and makes them into instant atheists!

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larry parker's avatar

Thumbs up!

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Len's avatar

Extra memory stick.

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Joan the Dork's avatar

This is one of those "even if there were a video" miracles. I can gain or lose an inch of height without even changing my posture just by tensing my muscles. Most people will gain some height while sleeping, then lose a bit over the course of the day as their own weight compresses their spine, and the taller a person is the greater the difference is between morning and night. Anyone who's impressed by that could be fooled into buying dehydrated water.

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Whitney's avatar

It'd be nice if more Christians would protest the sort of obvious BS. I mean, if you were a Christian, and thought this guy was on the level, but your Jesus didn't make you taller or fix that cancer on your whatever, how would you feel? Like maybe your Jesus doesn't love you as much?

Call me when your Jesus shows up to use those carpentry skills to help shelter the homeless or do something otherwise useful. These half-baked pseudo miracles aren't going to cut it.

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RegularJoe's avatar

Roll up! Roll up! Roll up

See the show!

Performing on a stool

We've a sight to make you drool

Seven virgins and a mule

(Keep it cool. Keep it cool)

{'unrelated', a friend went to the Taylor Swift concert...the cray-cray fandom involved on her part - and most of her fellow concert-goers - is impressive. Swift has a religion in the embryonic stages...wonder if she'll go full Tommy¹.}

{(¹ Welcome to the camp, I guess you all know why we're here...)}

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Soooo...

How many children have been miraculously cured of bone cancer by Jesus?

Yeah, Thought so. Are those crickets I hear?

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cdbunch's avatar

I hear cicadas. About a million of them. 500ft to 2miles away. All the time.

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

I hear ringing in my ears.

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cdbunch's avatar

Well, either there are different types of tinnitus or people interpret it differently.

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

When I stand up straight I grow more than an inch taller. Then there’s the story my dad tells me about his buddy (might be an urban legend and it sounds better when you personalize it, but still it’s reasonable) who did not stand upright the entire day before his draft physical so that he was too tall to be drafted. Then Sherlock Holmes was written to be capable of disguising his height by several inches just by posture. I know it’s a fictional story, but so is the claim by the preacher. I mean, movies make this happen all the time, Steve Rogers was tiny before he became Captain America.

As for god having fun, fuck him. This is like billionaires building giant phallic shaped rockets to “explore” space for wealthy tourists. Do better.

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jomicur's avatar

Alan Ladd was taller than Veronica Lake, but only because we never saw the box he was standing on. If only he had known a good preacher...

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Lynn James's avatar

Wasn't there a movie starring Ladd and Sophia Loren? She towered over him, so for one scene where they were walking beside each other, the crew literally dug a trench for her to walk in so that they seemed to be nearly the same height. I remember seeing a production still in a film book, but can't remember the name of the movie....

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NOGODZ20's avatar

"Boy on a Dolphin." 1957.

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Lynn James's avatar

Thanks! 😊

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Easy peasy. :)

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CozmoTheMagician's avatar

I prayed to SATAN to help me make something grow. He told me to go to a certain website and lo and behold.. just a few minutes later it had grown SEVERAL inches. O_o

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cdbunch's avatar

Pornhub really needs to buy Google's search AI. It's almost impossible to find what your looking for if it doesn't fit into one of their standard categories.

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OwossoHarpist's avatar

No different than seeing creationists claiming to have records of people encountering live non-avian dinosaurs hundreds of years ago in form of dragon and monster myths and legends only to offer no physical evidence to prove it whatsoever other than phony photos that were photoshopped, cherry-picked fragmented texts, poorly made doctored videos, and made up forgeries that can never explain the complete absence of human and extant animal remains in and around the Mesozoic strata where the dinosaur fossils are exclusively found in.

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Holytape's avatar

I had an encounter with an non-avian dinosaur. However, it did not end well. I only rolled a one.

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Richard Wade's avatar

Lots of guys are calling in asking what else can Mr. French make grow.

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larry parker's avatar

It's not brains, that's for sure.

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cdbunch's avatar

It's little brains. The one doing the thinking when you buy that lift kit and tractor tires for your Chevy pickup.

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Daniel Rotter's avatar

How about love?

"Love grows where my Rosemary goes."

-Song by Edison Lighthouse

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Richard Wade's avatar

I always liked that song. It came out when I was 21 and had recently met the love of my life.

As for Mr. French and right-wing Evangelicalism in general, more love and a heck of a lot less HORSESHIT would be very welcome.

Wondering about the people who listen to and believe Mr. French's transparent lies, I started to feel some compassion for them. That caused me to recall the famous scene from Mel Brooks' "Blazing Saddles," where Gene Wilder ad libs the last word in his consoling of his cellmate, Cleavon Little:

"You gotta remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know, ...MORONS."

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cdbunch's avatar

Now there an inch makes a difference. But Chris Hemsworth can do that for a lot of men by just taking off his clothes.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

*Launch Thor : Love and Thunder on DM's TV*

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

From today call me a Belgian or Italian woman. I don't want to be associated with this conman in any way. I will stop to eat French fries and destroy my ID snd passport too.

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Joan the Dork's avatar

Oh, don't worry... just look at some of the human embarrassments 𝘰𝘶𝘳 country has produced.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

And yet you find a way to import more, like ark disaster's owner.

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cdbunch's avatar

Yeah, all those people talking about limiting immigration are worried about all the wrong traits.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

We didn't import him, he emigrated. Australia was glad to be rid of him.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Bonnet blanc et blanc bonnet, you could have sent him back.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

If only it were that easy. It isn't.

Criminal convictions can result in deportation, but that usually applies only to foreign nationals (noncitizens), not naturalized citizens.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Bis repetita, if he is naturalised that means he was a furriner CQNFPD 😁

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Lynn James's avatar

Does anyone know why he left Australia in the first place? Maybe fleeing some scandal there?

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Lynn James's avatar

Can't we send him back? We've more than met our quota of asswipes, haven't we?

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NOGODZ20's avatar

He'll never leave voluntarily. He's got his scam on and as long as the rubes keep buying tickets, he'll continue to fleece them.

It's up to Christians to declare that his big boat is a graven image and that they will not support either it or him.

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Lynn James's avatar

I'm sure they could find a loophole for the "graven image" problem, A very BIG loophole.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

DM used to be 2 inches taller than me now it's about 1 inch. It's the miracle of getting old and (slouching ?) to ease her back pain 😁

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cdbunch's avatar

That is the correct term.

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Guerillasurgeon's avatar

Honestly. He can't even be bothered to do the magician's trick that makes it look like one of the legs is growing. So he just says it, and that makes it true.

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jomicur's avatar

No preacher man would ever, ever tell a fib, especially not when he needed money.

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Mr.E's avatar

no true "Christian" would never ever tell a lie

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Dianne Marie Leonard's avatar

That's nothing special. A couple of weeks ago, I had an outpatient appointment at the local hospital and a nurse was taking my vitals. I'm 4'11" tall. The computer was not capable of entering any height shorter than 5'0" for an adult, so the nurse said to me, "Well, I'll just enter 5'0". Was he a miracle-worker? Nah. Just a wonky computer that thinks little people like me don't exist.

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cdbunch's avatar

Stupid programmer. A confirmation dialog would be one thing, but not only do short people exist, so does dwarfism.

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Dianne Marie Leonard's avatar

Yup. My sister is 4'6" and is constantly running into the same problem.

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RegularJoe's avatar

Programmers. These big systems aren't done by one.

Far too many IT folks don't/can't try to think like end-users. Back when I was a coder my specialty was user interface...mostly because most of my fellow coders were a bit shy on thinking like those who had to use the systems we built.

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cdbunch's avatar

As someone who writes system tools, my problem is creating complex interfaces in the name of flexibility. Of course, my target audience thinks more like me than the general public. The truly irritating part is the marketers who insist on changing the interface so it *looks* like a new version (Windows 11))

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RegularJoe's avatar

Yep....look-and-feel.

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larry parker's avatar

An oversight? : )

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Dianne Marie Leonard's avatar

No, just an underfunded county computer system that can't even talk to other systems.

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Psittacus Ebrius's avatar

Perhaps God will give Mr. French the twin gifts of ethics and honesty.

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larry parker's avatar

As soon as someone shares some with god, I sure he'll share with everyone.

One second thought, probably not.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

He doesn't seem the share-y type. "I, the Lord, am a jealous god and will have none before me" and like that.

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larry parker's avatar

Mine! Mine! Mine!!!

(Like a toddler, or Trump with classified documents.)

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NOGODZ20's avatar

But then he wouldn't be a Christian.

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Guerillasurgeon's avatar

Actually I just went to their YouTube and found him doing the magician's trick on someone else. So he does know it at least. And then I found a little YouTube thingy entitled something like "What is Rush Limbaugh doing in heaven?" And I found that just a little too tempting although I'm probably a bit late to the party..

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jomicur's avatar

If Limbaugh is in heaven they must be using at least a dozen cloud banks to hold him up.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Naw, all that hot air he puts out keeps him afloat.

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jomicur's avatar

Was that him in the Macy's parade?

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Trump in his diaper.

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larry parker's avatar

I just went looking for my favorite "Africain priest walking on air" video. It's the first one that pops up, but if you click on it, it says it's no longer available. : (

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