370 Comments
User's avatar
EllenThatEllen's avatar

Allie Beth Stuckey. Sorry hun. If you have actually read the Bible dear you know Walt Disney didn't write it. Hard to sanitize rape, war, bloodshed and the Crucifixion. I bet Ms Stuckey stepped on a Lego once and she hasn't forgiven it. Grow the f up.

Expand full comment
Joe King's avatar

The Brick Bible provides book, chapter, and verse references so she can see that's really what's in there without cherry-picking. Oh, wait.

Expand full comment
Jason's avatar

In this set, the Lego everyone steps on will always be the Satan Lego...the Lord of Darkness will see to THAT...😈

Expand full comment
Sheila Warner's avatar

I was a Christian when I first read the Brick Bible. I was raised to believe the Bible is God's holy word. Stuckey's book didn't offend me. I thought it was clever. I was taught to read the Bible thoroughly, and I knew what was in it. This kerfuffle seems to demonstrate my assertion that most Christians haven't even read through their Bibles. It's a sad fact.

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

The fact is that most believers don't read the bible; they have the bible READ TO THEM. Bible study, of course, where they deal with all the sweetness and light and steer away from stuff like Numbers 5:11-31 and Judges 19:21-30 and Psalms 137:9 ... oh, and let's NOT forget Ezekiel 23:20.

That the bible is an ugly book entirely too often is perhaps the best kept secret in the Christian community.

Expand full comment
Stephen Brady's avatar

It has ever been so. Even back when the Hebrew Scriptures were all the christians had (stole) their preachers and apostles studied them to find individual verses which supported their message to the faithful. If you don’t know what comes before or after the selected verse you won’t know how often they are used out of context. Very few christians read the bible cover to cover. Believing the bible makes you a christian. Understanding the bible makes you an atheist.

Expand full comment
ericc's avatar

Why stop there? It is not a stretch to think that the most common practice by Jews in B.C. times was to have the Torah read to the people by the priest...with the priest being very selective about what parts he read to them, based on the message he (always he) wanted to impart.

It's not like copies of several-hundred-page writings were super cheap or common back then. Or that literacy was the norm. Scrolls and papyrus were a lot more available in the Roman Empire than parchment was in the middle age Europe, so it wasn't too hard to be literate, but still, I'm guessing most vassal-state sheepherders weren't.

Expand full comment
xenubarb's avatar

Yo, 'member when the book was all in Latin to prevent anyone but priests from reading it?

Expand full comment
Vanity Unfair's avatar

The Bible was translated into Latin from Greek and Hebrew so that more people could read it. That's more of the right people, obviously.

Expand full comment
xenubarb's avatar

Not the congregation, for sure. Don't want them peasants forming opinions!

Expand full comment
Edward Bryant's avatar

I’m sending a trend.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Romans also had a kind of notebook/post-it made of 2 pieces of wood tied together and covered with wax.

Expand full comment
Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

So people have been waxing their wood for centuries?

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Mais qu'est-ce qu'on ferait sans toi ? 🤣

Expand full comment
Edward Bryant's avatar

Sensing

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

They constantly misunderstand what little they have read, as well.

Expand full comment
Old Man Shadow's avatar

Genesis:

Cain murders Abel.

God kills all of the people except for eight and all of the animals.

Incest as those eight people repopulate the world.

Polygamy happens.

Incest again as Abraham marries his half-sister.

Abraham sells his wife to another man.

Abraham rapes a slave and she conceives. Sarah beats her so badly that she runs away. God tells her to go back and submit to the beatings.

The men of Sodom attempt to humiliate and degrade visitors to their town by rape.

God destroys the cities of the plain. Lot's wife is killed for looking back.

Incest between Lot and his daughters.

Abraham sells his wife to another man... again.

Abraham throws the slave he raped out into the desert with his son to die.

Abraham attempts to murder his son by Sarah.

Incest again as Isaac is married to a first cousin.

Incest again as Jacob is married to two cousins who are sisters.

Jacob rapes two slaves and has children by them.

Jacob does magic and cheats his uncle out of animals.

Reuben has sex with one of Jacob's concubines.

Levi and Simeon murder the men of a town after the prince of the town rapes their sister. They lie and say if the men circumcise themselves, they will intermarry with them. Then they murder the men and take the women and children as slaves.

Jacob's sons try to murder their brother.

Joseph takes grain from the people of Egypt to store it and keep everyone alive, but sells it back to the people until the Egyptians sell themselves into slavery to Pharaoh.

That's the first book of the Bible. If you're not prepared to discuss all of those topics with your young children, you have no business reading the Bible to them.

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

Sounds like an "R" rating to me. Discussion?

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

NC-17

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Well, maybe the bit about circumcision. Otherwise no dicks to give the MPAA the vapors.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

Ah, no Ezekiel 23:20

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

The list was from Genesis.

Expand full comment
Len Koz's avatar

😋

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

Yeah ... I was being generous! 😁

Expand full comment
Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

PG

Praise god.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Not probe god ?

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

😝😝😝

Expand full comment
xenubarb's avatar

Lovely people, worth emulating! /s

Expand full comment
Bonnie Boyce's avatar

These people will eat up anything that confirms their belief that they're being picked on.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

Or superior in any kind of way.

Expand full comment
Jane in NC's avatar

Growing up as a catholic kid, we weren't spoon fed some sanitized version of the bible. We got the raw, unexpurgated version. I remember being taught the story of Abraham sacrificing Isaac, and came home crying. I was 7. My mom wanted to know what was wrong, so I asked her if she would kill me if god told her to. She said, "NO! Where did you get such an idea?" I told her that's what the priest taught us in religion class.

The bible, as written, is a big book of horror stories. The fact that people like Stuckey acknowledge it has to be watered down for kids so they can be indoctrinated properly gives away the game. It never occurs to people like her that kids, and adults, are taught they have to love and worship a monster. And it doesn't matter who tells the stories - they don't get any better. The stories are the problem.

This scene from 'Good Omens' pretty much sums up the deprivation kids are taught every day:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kP3rVca1ztk

Expand full comment
xenubarb's avatar

It really is a big book of horror stories!

My folks wouldn't let me have horror comics, so I kept them at my friend's house.

But hey, I read the bible with impunity! Especially the good parts, like where Jezebel was thrown from a tower and her blood licked up off the street by dogs.

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

Back when I lived in a small town in Illinois, a friends mother wouldn't let him or his brothers see 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨 𝘍𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘪𝘯 because she thought it would be too scary. However, she did let them see 𝘑𝘢𝘸𝘴. 🤔

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Someone wasn't pre-screening movies before making a decision as to what movies were appropriate.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

DM never had this problem with me 😋

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

"But God stopped Abraham, so all better" Like Issac wasn't scarred for life.

Here's a slightly better version of the story:

https://www.zentaur.org/memes/abraham_isaac_comma.jpg

Expand full comment
Jane in NC's avatar

That's exactly it, cd! You can't erase that kid's memory of his father about to sacrifice him on the altar. I know, as a kid, I had a HARD time getting that image out of my head.

Expand full comment
Psittacus Ebrius's avatar

I've often wondered if Isaac ran away from home after that incident. It was a long time before CPS would eventually intervene.

Expand full comment
Sean's avatar

Slaughtering your children at god's command is considered a family matter.

Expand full comment
Maltnothops's avatar

Mitchell and Webb have a good sketch about it.

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

𝐼𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑠ℎ𝑜𝑐𝑘𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑏𝑠 𝑦𝑜𝑢, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑏𝑙𝑒𝑚 𝑙𝑖𝑒𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝐵𝑖𝑏𝑙𝑒, 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑖𝑠𝑡 𝑟𝑒𝑐𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑠𝑐𝑒𝑛𝑒𝑠.

Dear Ms. Stuckey is yet another person who probably went to bible study, yet could never be bothered to actually READ the holy book her belief system was based on for herself. She never read about Lot's daughters jumping their father's bones, or the bears tearing 42 kids up because they teased Elijah about his bald head, or any one of who knows how many less than inspiring stories the bible holds within its pages. The blunt fact is that the bible is NOT a pretty book in multiple places, a fact which Spurling clearly understands and uses to her benefit (and profit!).

Meanwhile, Stuckey could stand to gain a fuller grasp of the contents of the book she's so obsessed about ... and maybe get a life, while she's at it.

Expand full comment
Robert A M Ross's avatar

That’s <Elisha> & the 2 Bears…the late Tom Schweizer wrote a cantata in the style of Henry Purcell on this story.

Expand full comment
Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

How very Christian of Stuckey to hear someone else’s complaint and draw her own conclusions from that without looking into it herself. It’s clear she didn’t read any version of the Bible to make up her mind about this, not the Lego bible, and not a typical Bible.

Good for Spurling for ignoring the vitriol. Don’t take criticism from people you wouldn’t got to for advice. For Stuckey to insult Spurling, Spurling would first have to value Stuckey’s opinion. And so too, the rest of us.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

I would say it validates Spurling's work.

Expand full comment
Dave Chekouras's avatar

God killed everyone on earth, including fetuses in the great flood. Yep! If that’s not ALL LOVING, what is? God damn it!

Oh, and he sent himself down as the Holy Spirit to fuck his under age mother. What’s not loving?

Expand full comment
Jedi Senshi's avatar

The correct term is rape, not f**k because she never gave him consent.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

That's because the bible deems women to be property. They are treated as being worth the same as cattle (sometimes worth less than cattle).

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

To give consent, she would have had to been *ASKED*.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Do you ask your chair permission before using it ?

Expand full comment
Jedi Senshi's avatar

And she was underage.

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

That's an educated assumption. Her age isn't given. She was raped because she wasn't asked. That is canon.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Underage for our modern perception, probably. If a Jewish girl had celebrated her Bat Mitzvah (13 years old), she was considered an adult who could be married off. I wonder if god paid the bride price to either her father or Joseph.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

I think "virgin" back in the 1st Century in that region of the world was defined as "A woman of marriageable age." They liked 'em young.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

And their modern day counterparts still do, that's why we can't get the child-bride prohibition laws passed.

Expand full comment
Alverant's avatar

Except she wasn't that old. Protoevangelion of James talks about her being visible pregnant when "not yet twelve winters old" or something like that, pushing her age back to 12 or even 11. In any case, it's not when mind is fully developed nor when a girl/woman's body is ready for the rigors of pregnancy/childbirth.

Expand full comment
Crowscage's avatar

What do you expect? These are the same wastes of semen who coined the phrase old enough to bleed, old enough to breed.

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

What a strange tradition. Adult at 13? I'm not sure 18-year-olds are adults.

Expand full comment
Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

I'm almost 50 and I'm not sure I qualify.

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Adulting is hard. I think about giving it up frequently.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

In Greek and Roman times, a girl could be married at 12, oftentimes to a man aged 25 or more.

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Old enough to bleed, old enough to breed.

I know the ‘lizard brain’ doesn’t really care about mentally or emotionally ready, but human brains have grown many more layers since that very primitive core.

Expand full comment
Elia's avatar

I had a copy of the Picture Bible as a kid. Then I got a copy of the, er, adult version when I was a teen. Can confirm they sanitize that book to make it palatable for children.

Nice to see Spurling is still doing her Lego creations. I found the Brick Bible to be a work of art.

Expand full comment
oraxx's avatar

On top of the many horror stories in the Bible, there is the fact Christianity is the world's most factionalized religion. Nothing else comes close. I do not believe the genuine word of God would be subject to never-ending debate. Particularly so when the horrific violence that has resulted from that debate is taken into account. You would think the divine being who willed the universe into existence could have anticipated that problem, and would have done a better job of making himself understood.

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

What do you expect from a 6th grade science project?

Expand full comment
Elena Christian's avatar

My favorite Biblical story is the one where a woman flees her abusive Benjaminite master for her dad's house, her dad calls him and tells him where to find her, and when an angry mob happens by and demands flesh, Dad and the Benjaminite toss her out the front door. She is raped to death, and in the morning her loving master kicks her dead body and tells her to get her lazy ass up. When he realizes she is dead, he cuts her body into pieces, sends them by UPS to his brethern, and starts a war. Presumably killing a bunch of her people in the process.

Please tell me this one is in there.

Expand full comment
Derek Smith's avatar

It was FedEx, not UPS. 😉

Expand full comment
Runfastandwin's avatar

God is an evil vindictive bastard, and no amount of spin can change that.

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

Shoot, if we're going to describe Yahweh, let's be THOROUGH:

𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐺𝑜𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑂𝑙𝑑 𝑇𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑖𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑔𝑢𝑎𝑏𝑙𝑦 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑚𝑜𝑠𝑡 𝑢𝑛𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑓𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛: 𝑗𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑠 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑑 𝑜𝑓 𝑖𝑡; 𝑎 𝑝𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑦, 𝑢𝑛𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡, 𝑢𝑛𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑐𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑟𝑜𝑙-𝑓𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘; 𝑎 𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑐𝑡𝑖𝑣𝑒, 𝑏𝑙𝑜𝑜𝑑𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑟𝑠𝑡𝑦 𝑒𝑡ℎ𝑛𝑖𝑐 𝑐𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑒𝑟; 𝑎 𝑚𝑖𝑠𝑜𝑔𝑦𝑛𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐, ℎ𝑜𝑚𝑜𝑝ℎ𝑜𝑏𝑖𝑐, 𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑖𝑠𝑡, 𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑙, 𝑔𝑒𝑛𝑜𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑙, 𝑓𝑖𝑙𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑑𝑎𝑙, 𝑝𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑎𝑙, 𝑚𝑒𝑔𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑚𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑎𝑐𝑎𝑙, 𝑠𝑎𝑑𝑜𝑚𝑎𝑠𝑜𝑐ℎ𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑐, 𝑐𝑎𝑝𝑟𝑖𝑐𝑖𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑙𝑦 𝑚𝑎𝑙𝑒𝑣𝑜𝑙𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑏𝑢𝑙𝑙𝑦.

-- Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion, Chapter 2

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

They made him in their image, not the other way around.

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

True dat ... and they made an asshole god!

Expand full comment
Bagen Onuts's avatar

Hateful, sadistic tyrant.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Stuckey doesn't like a book by an atheist that makes the bible look bad? Then she and her audience would really despise a book by an atheist written for adults that makes her book and deity look truly horrid.

I speak of course of "God: The Most Unpleasant Character in All Fiction" by Dan Barker, a former "on-fire for Christ" evangelical minister of nearly two decades. And as a former minister, he backs every accusation with scripture.

Expand full comment
Troublesh00ter's avatar

Nothing quite like Yahweh's own holy book tellin' on him, is there? 🤣🤣🤣

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Maybe he had Governor Dogkiller's ghost writer.

Expand full comment
Lynn Veit's avatar

🤣🤣🤣

Expand full comment
Bagen Onuts's avatar

With gods like that, who needs enemies?

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

Are there any other kind? Even Aphrodite got nasty when she was pissed off.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

How is it surprising when she was originally a Godess of love AND war ? 😁

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

Do you remember the fits they threw when a muslim wrote a book about the bible?

Expand full comment
Penfist's avatar

Being forced to read the Bible is what made me stop being a Christian. The god in that book is really fucking evil.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

Mark Twain, too.

"The mind that becomes soiled in youth can never again be washed clean. I know this by my own experience, & to this day I cherish an unappeased bitterness against the unfaithful guardians of my young life, who not only permitted but compelled me to read an unexpurgated Bible through before I was 15 years old. None that do that can draw ever clean sweet breath on this side of the grave."

-- Twain, from his Autobiography.

Back in 1885, detractors of Huckleberry Finn feared children would become too comfortable with both Huck and his "low company" (including, one suspects, that of Jim's). Twain fired back in that Autobiography, stating that children were already routinely damaged by a book the library kept on open shelves: The Bible.

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

EDIT to read "...unexpurgated Bible..."

Expand full comment
Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

The one with the Gannett?

Expand full comment
Joan the Dork's avatar

"𝘐𝘵 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 𝘢𝘤𝘤𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘵𝘦."

Because, y'know, that's a whole different thing than being 𝘵𝘦𝘹𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 accurate. Gotta filter it through three rounds of cherry-picking and apologetics, and deliver it with a side order of projection, before the text that's actually written in the actual Bible is 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘰𝘭𝘰𝘨𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺 accurate.

Expand full comment
xenubarb's avatar

What would these poor little bible humpers do if they had nothing asinine to bitch about?

Why, just this morning, I fielded a post from a fellow named Hamm, screeching about how the Olympic tableau was obviously the Last Supper because Romans and Greeks didn't sit around tables.

So I pointed out that the painting of Dionysus' bacchanal wasn't painted by ancient Greeks or Romans, it was painted by artists who lived in an era where people used tables! It was a piece of art, not a historical depiction!

I mean, the ignorance and whining never stops!

Expand full comment
larry parker's avatar

Jesus invented tables. Who knew...

Who figured out that you could sit on both sides of a table?

Expand full comment
xenubarb's avatar

Artists; be they from the past or Simpsons animators, know if you have everyone sitting around a table, you gonna be looking at the back of some heads. :D

Expand full comment
cdbunch's avatar

That's why you depict it from the foot of the table.

Expand full comment
xenubarb's avatar

Tables got feet???

Who knew?

Expand full comment
Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

That's why Sofia sat at the counter rather than at the table with Rose, Blanche, and Dorothy.

Expand full comment
Ethereal fairy Natalie's avatar

He invented them, so he could flip them iin the temple with the money-changers. /s

Expand full comment
Munchygut's avatar

I thought god created tables on the third day!

Expand full comment
xenubarb's avatar

No, I think that was a typo. They meant Tribbles!

Expand full comment
NOGODZ20's avatar

They should turn off all media and simply read their bible from cover to cover.

Of course if they did that, I suspect they wouldn't be Christians very long.

Expand full comment
Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

When they actually did. The representations of meals we have are of feasts and symposiums for the elites, not everyday meals. The first folding chairs were invented sometimes during Antiquity.

It's the same if someone from 500 years in the future saw the following picture and deducted It's how everyone ate every day in X country

https://images.app.goo.gl/5346HEJyrxdzDTow9

Expand full comment