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Joe King's avatar

"Moreover, the Bible does not contain sexually explicit content as defined by HB 900. "

Are you sure about that, Mr Patterson? Genesis 18:33-36:

33 That night they got their father to drink wine, and the older daughter went in and slept with him. He was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

34 The next day the older daughter said to the younger, “Last night I slept with my father. Let’s get him to drink wine again tonight, and you go in and sleep with him so we can preserve our family line through our father.” 35 So they got their father to drink wine that night also, and the younger daughter went in and slept with him. Again he was not aware of it when she lay down or when she got up.

36 So both of Lot’s daughters became pregnant by their father.

I smell special pleading.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

𝐼 𝑠𝑚𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑠𝑝𝑒𝑐𝑖𝑎𝑙 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔.

Hell, the bible (and Patterson) positively REEK of it!

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Lynn Veit's avatar

And that's just one story in Genesis, Dear Jared. There's more in Genesis alone, but let's skip over to the Song of Solomon:

4:5 Thy two breasts are like two young roes that are twins, which feed among the lilies. (KJV)

And this, also Song of Solomon: (Description of the Shulamite bride opening the door for her lover, but tell me this isn't some kind of purple prose metaphor for an evening of passionate sex)

5:4-5 My beloved put in his hand by the hole of the door, and my bowels were moved for him. I rose up to open to my beloved; and my hands dropped with myrrh, and my fingers with sweet smelling myrrh, upon the handles of the lock. (KJV)

There are many other "adult content" scenes like these, not as dressed up in flowery verbiage, dealing with, oh, for example, the gang rape and murder of the Levite's unnamed concubine in Judges 19:22-30, after he threw her to mob. It's pretty horrific, and I don't care to copy it out here. Look it up for yourself.

There's more, much more than any of us care to list, Dear Jared. Are you getting the picture yet?

How about an explanation of why all this gets a free pass? I mean a REAL explanation that doesn't involve dissembling or invoking Christian Privilege?

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Shalini's avatar

😂👍🏽

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Len's avatar

You don’t think he’s actually read the Bible, do you?

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Die Anyway's avatar

Everything he really needs to know about the Bible, he learned in Sunday school.

(Where they don't teach that icky stuff.)

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Karola Spring's avatar

He probably underlined those passages as a teen in his ‘very own special Bible for Boys’.

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Judy Riggenbach's avatar

The moment he claimed it had no sexually explicit material i knew he hadnt!!

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cdbunch's avatar

I still don't believe Lot could be drunk enough not to recognize his daughters, but still get it up.

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ericc's avatar

If we start with the premise that the story isn't a flat out fabrication, there's two reasonable ways to interpret that claim.

1. "I was too drunk to be aware" is what Lot told his wife when she got out the baseball bat.

2. The author wants to portray Lot as an innocent victim instead of an incestuous daughter-shagging pedophile, even if he has to introduce a ridiculous story element to do it. (This is the bible, after all; whatever the man did, it's always the woman's fault)

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avis piscivorus's avatar

"... his wife when she got out the baseball bat"

That may be difficult for a salt pillar.

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cdbunch's avatar

That's the writer's euphemism for "he took the bat from her, beat her to death and hid the body in the Dead Sea."

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ericc's avatar

In Lot's case, that'd be committing sororicide and mariticide at the same time.

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ericc's avatar

Ah yes, I forgot, that happened first.

Still sounds a bit like a "honestly honey I don't remember a thing" story.

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avis piscivorus's avatar

As an afterthought, where did she get her baseball bat more than 35 centuries before that game was invented?

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RegularJoe's avatar

Perhaps it started as a cricket bat and.....evolved?

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Gray Zebra's avatar

Lot’s wife had turned into a pillar of salt so she was presumed dead.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

They want to make a man who offered those same daughters up to a mob to be raped in order to protect two strangers (males, of course) as "innocent?" Of anything? Wow.

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E2's avatar

Are the daughters really held at fault for anything, though? Incest was not proscribed to Hebrews at the time (before Leviticus), and "continuing their father's line" would have been a positive motivation.

Also, wasn't the putative ancestry of the Moabites and Ammonites kind of the justification for uniting them (albeit violently) into the Kingdom of Israel?

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ericc's avatar

Yeah it's a Just-So story that brings them together through some fictional shared ancestry. But it's hard to tell whether "...and this is where we get Ammonites" was grafted onto an earlier story or if the story was invented for that reason.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Of course, the Lot story is a total fabrication. Realistically, any offspring produced by Lot and his daughters would’ve been inbred.

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E2's avatar

Taken as a whole, the internal history of the Bible has to be treated as a legendarium, the lore of a fictional world.

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Patris's avatar

Or just crazy

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Patris's avatar

I just laughed out loud. Many thanks!

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Shalini's avatar

😂

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Rosemary Orlandi's avatar

Good point 😁

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Rosemary Orlandi's avatar

Good point 😁

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Rosemary Orlandi's avatar

Good point 😁

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Moon Cat's avatar

Don't forget how that started with a mob of men who wanted to rape 2 Male Angels, but Lot literally saved their asses by throwing both his virgin daughters out to be gang raped instead. So this sorry story ends after the family flees the town and the daughters realize that they can never be married as they are no longer virgins. Without Social Security or a husband, they needed a kid to insure their future. And then they get their Father drunk to rectify this. Just the kind of Bible Story you want a young kid to be reading. The way Lot previously treated his daughters make it more likely that he lost his wife, got drunk and was fine with substituting his daughters and he who writes the story is always innocent.

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Marianne Cromarty's avatar

What about Abraham raping the slave woman Hagar! Slaves can’t say no, he raped her!!!

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Crowscage's avatar

More likely he doesn't consider diddling his own daughters and blaming them for it as anything wrong.

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Maltnothops's avatar

And the Bible is silent about whether the daughters’ actions were immoral or not. Or if they were punished, by god or man, in any way.

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

What happens in the cave, stays in the cave.

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RegularJoe's avatar

Genesis 19:30-38

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Appalachian in Thailand's avatar

For Christians, that's an aspiration, not a condemnation.

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Valkyrie's avatar

I think that's a typo, it's Genesis 19:33-36

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oraxx's avatar

“Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.”

― Isaac Asimov

Indeed, ban any and all books with sexual content because teenagers never ever think about sex. The conservative approach to education in this country centers around keeping kids as ignorant as possible. Bible verses and Republican talking points should be enough in their view.

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E.A. Blair's avatar

Thinking about linoleum makes teenagers horny.

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avis piscivorus's avatar

horny + ignorant = pregnant

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Joe King's avatar

Why else would Texas have the highest percentage of 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘦𝘢𝘵 teen pregnancies?

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Maltnothops's avatar

Now that’s an interesting statistic! Any idea if it is limited to out of wedlock teen pregnancies? I’m pretty sure at least one of my Texas first cousins had 2 pregnancies in her teens but she was married for both of them.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Bristol “Don’t Judge Me!” Palin?

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Lynn Veit's avatar

That's how they tell the "good" girls from the "bad" ones.

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Robot Bender's avatar

It revolves around trying to keep everyone as ignorant as possible, starting with the children.

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Mainly so they can take advantage of the children’s ignorance for their own pleasure. RCC, Mormon Missionaries, youth pastors, …every sect ever.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

The first thought I had when I read this article. Good thing I scrolled before posting Mr. Asimov's quote.

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Carly Camacho's avatar

Aaaaand….there was a break out of the STD, Chlamydia in Texas. https://www.texasmonthly.com/the-daily-post/about-that-outbreak-of-chlamydia-in-west-texas/

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

Be careful of what you wish for. You might get it.

And Texas did. I can't help but notice the utter lack of awareness, Rep. Jared Patterson included, regarding the actual content of the bible and its multiple mentions of sexuality, the most blatant possibly being Ezekiel 23:20, though the Song of Solomon and all that "KNOWING" going on that Hemant mentioned qualifies as well.

Representative Patterson, have you actually READ your bible?

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Stephen Brady's avatar

They only read the part their pastor tells them to... too lazy, or too scared I am not sure which. "Believing the bible makes you a christian. Understanding the bible makes you an atheist".

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Munchygut's avatar

If you own bible but do not read it, you are catholic. If you own a bible but only read the parts that support your beliefs, you are evangelical. If you own bible and you read it cover to cover, you are Atheist.

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Kate B.'s avatar

Or a Quaker, like me.

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Munchygut's avatar

I don't understand.

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Rosemary Orlandi's avatar

Wow ! This is such a great explanation.... 😁

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John Smith's avatar

Not only do they only read the parts their clergy tell them to read, but they (the clergy) tell the congregation how they should “interpret” those parts of the bible.

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Lynn Veit's avatar

One such "interpretation" I heard as a child was that Revelation was describing a nuclear war between Russia and the US; that the star called Wormwood was a nuclear super-weapon that would destroy the entire world; and a whole bunch of other batschitt cray-cray I can't even remember now.

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Robot Bender's avatar

You mean more hypocrisy and liars for Jebus? What's surprising about that?

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

[TS chuckles to himself] Surprising? Not bloody much!

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Wookiee Monster's avatar

Texas: Where we will protect your kids from books but not from bullets.

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cdbunch's avatar

nor STDs or pregnancies.

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Joan the Dork's avatar

nor heatstroke, nor the mildest of winter weather...

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cdbunch's avatar

No. They go to Cancun when it gets cold.

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Bagat's avatar

Only the rich ones do that.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

He had to be shamed into returning to Texas. Then he tried to do damage control, offering to help hand out supplies for a photo op.

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cdbunch's avatar

And yet the fucker is our Senator for another 6 years. Is there lead in the water in this state?

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Moon Cat's avatar

He also very Biblically blamed his daughters. Cruz must have read some of it.

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Lynn Veit's avatar

Always them damn wimmins, causing a poor guy all sorts of trouble.

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Lynn Veit's avatar

Was that like Trumpy's Micky D photo op? Staged event where he could pretend to work then take the credit for it?

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Bagat's avatar

texas, where masks were an ubearable burden yet forcing 10 yar olds to carry to term is not.

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Lynn Veit's avatar

👆🎯

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NOGODZ20's avatar

The bible doesn't contain any sexually explicit material?

I'd like to see any Christian who truly believes that take to the pulpit on Sunday and read Ezekiel 23:20. out loud to the congregation, which will certainly contain children. If such a passage appeared in any other book not named the bible, Christians would be out for blood.

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ericc's avatar

I'd like to see a Texas high school student produce a school essay covering selected passages, and then sue the bejeezus out of the system if the teacher tells them they can't use sexually explicit material.

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Lynn Veit's avatar

Their deity and his prophets/followers were quite the dirty old men. The leaders have to keep that hidden from the flocks.

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Valkyrie's avatar

OMG I just looked that up...!!! Suffice to say I'm one of the aforementioned (ex) Catholics who have a Bible but never read it. Geez.

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Joe King's avatar

"Texas law clearly states religious texts must be available to students in schools."

I've got an idea! The Satanic Temple and other organizations can name every book that Texas bans to be a religious text. Problem solved, the books get unbanned.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

Shoot, don't stop there. Throw in the Torah and Talmud, the Bhagavad Gita, the Zend Avesta, the Book of Mormon, Dianetics, and the Hidden Words of Baha'ullah while you're at it!

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Stephen Brady's avatar

I have read the King James, NSRV, Jewish Study Bible, some of the Talmud, The Koran, Dianetics, some of the Bhagavad Gita, and The Book of Mormon. They are all a struggle to read and leave me with a bad taste in my mouth. But, you can almost say - read one, you've read them all. Same nonsense, different authors.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

I will admit to a certain enjoyment of the Bhagavad Gita. Sorta comes with being an Associate Teacher of the Transcendental Meditation technique, and also having read a much-abbreviated version of its greater work, the Mahabharata. At minimum, it tells a neat story, which is way more than I can say for the bible.

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xenubarb's avatar

If there's any smut in Dianetics, I haven't seen it. Mostly because, every time I tried to gnaw through that turgid, stultifying prose, I fall asleep before I reach Page 20!

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Die Anyway's avatar

My experience too. When I was a teenager, I was a voracious reader. One day I ran out of my favorite reading material...science fiction... and saw this book called Dianetics on my parent's book shelf. I noted that it was by a science fiction author so I eagerly grabbed it and began reading. I don't remember an exact page count but I'm thinking 20 may be further than I made it.

And now, some 60 years later, I live 8 miles south of the Scientology headquarters in Clearwater, Florida and still have zero interest in ever finishing that book

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

Never tackled it, myself, and probably just as well. 😝

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xenubarb's avatar

It's better than sleeping pills!

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E.A. Blair's avatar

In the Library of Congress classifying system (which is much more detailed than Dewey Decimal) 21 major subject headings are designated by letters (I, O, W, X and Y are unused¹). Further subclass divisions use two- or three-letter designations. Class B is Philosophy, Psychology, Religion, and various books on religion come under subheadings BL ( Religions. Mythology. Rationalism) through BX (Christian Denominations).

I am amused by the fact that there is an entire subclass of section B for the bible; no other holey books have this distinction but are included in the subclass for their respective religions The two letter subclass for the bible is…

…are you ready for it?…

Subclass BS!

For example, I have a copy of a KJV bible that was given to my mother when she was 13. Her name is stamped on the cover in gold letters, and, as was customary for family bibles in the past it contains a fill-in-the-blanks section for the owner's genealogy. This makes it more valuable as a family record than as a book of scripture. Anyway, since I use the Library of Congress system to organize my collection of some 2,000 volumes, the label on my mom's bible reads:

BS

185

.N37

1925

So under the Library of Congress classification system, you can say of any version of the bible, "That's a bunch of BS!"

I read somewhere that the “BS” designation was intended to stand for “Bible Studies”, but the irony is too good to leave it at that.

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E.A. Blair's avatar

¹ I and O are ommitted because they are too easily confused with the numbers 1 and 0. W, X and Y are reserved for future expansion of the system.

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ericc's avatar

I have/had a bible which came in a box dust cover, and the box had a big sticker on the front that read "Slightly Imperfect: 20% off". When I saw that, I had to buy it. Finally, truth in advertising. :)

I'm pretty sure I still have the bible somewhere, though I think the box got lost in a move. (Aside: the imperfection the sticker referred to was incorrect margin setting on some of the pages.)

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Kay-El's avatar

Yes, LC is much better. I’ve always hated the Dewey Decimal. Nobody searching for a book needs to see a call number 5 inches long. Not to mention that Dewey was a fucking bigot and a pervert.

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Jane in NC's avatar

"...the bible does not contain any sexually explicit content..." Has this dude ever read the Song of Solomon? And if the references to male and female sex and oral sex aren't enough, it's clear that neither of the participants are married to each other. But THIS is OK material for public schools, but other books aren't? What a bunch of hypocrites!

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EllenThatEllen's avatar

Well there you go. In Gensis Adam and Eve "knowing" each other, David and Bathsheba, the Song of Songs? Of course the Bible is filled with smutt! Ban the Bible. Let's Gooo! (Sarcasm guys) Ban the trump bile( Bible without the second b) because that one DOES NOT COUNT!

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Heather.B's avatar

Conservatives be like: “we must ban those books acknowledging the experience of the queer community because they’re brainwashing the children!”,

This is said while they cling to their bible and worn copy of the turner diaries.

The reason why conservatives want to ban books that have ideas they don't like and shut down libraries is because reading gives us insight to worlds beyond our own. Empathy makes it harder for them to f*ck over one people group without public protest!

That's why I love wearing this rainbow flag t-shirt in front of conservatives 👇

https://libtees-2.creator-spring.com/listing/wtpmelb

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John Smith's avatar

Those without knowledge and understanding are easier to control and manipulate. Plus easier to get blind obedience without the public asking questions or demanding a better life.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Isn't Jesus the product of congress between a deity disguised as a bird and an underage virgin who was not that deity's wife?

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Joan the Dork's avatar

'Ol Jehovah couldn't even be original about his supernatural sex crimes.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

*coughcough*HERACLES!

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Joan the Dork's avatar

*𝘩𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘦𝘻𝘦*LEDA!

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NOGODZ20's avatar

I’ve asked Christians: “So you actually believe that a god and a human woman produced a child with powers no strictly human baby has? One who would later grow up and perform multiple miraculous deeds and whose last words on Earth were “It is finished” before ascending to be with his father?” If they said yes, I told them “Congratulations. You just said you believe in Heracles. Or as he’s better known, Hercules.”

The reactions are priceless. Some sputter and stammer, others accuse me of trickery. I tell those “No trickery. I asked if you believed these things and you said yes. It’s not my fault if you don’t know one of the origins of the Jesus myth.”

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Bensnewlogin's avatar

* very heavy breathing* GANYMEDE.

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Daniel Rotter's avatar

The Product of a Deity Disguised As a Bird is my favorite avant-garde play. Saw it in a tiny theatre off-Broadway when I was in New York./s

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avis piscivorus's avatar

- "Let me be very clear: the Bible, and other religious texts, are protected under HB 900."

- "The Texas Education Code says public K-12 school districts must offer an “enrichment curriculum” that includes religious literature"

Government is not allowed to have a preference about religions, this means that all religious books from all religions must be available in all school libraries.

As a neo-kamasutrist I demand that my Holy Book: The Kama Sutra must be made accessible for all students, including the illustrated version for kindergarten and elementary school.

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ericc's avatar

Don't be silly. When Texas says "all religious literature" they mean the school can have the KJV *and* the NIV. All those heathen and pagan beliefs don't count, they aren't the one true proper religion.

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Moon Cat's avatar

Actually including the Tao te Ching could be a useful thing. The Kybalon by the Three Initiates is good. Definitely the Kama Sutra is eligible under the definition. What a great idea!

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Zizzer-Zazzer-Zuzz's avatar

I think I have a video version somewhere.

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Rhonda's avatar

The buybull is nothing more than stories written down by men who wanted to control the masses.

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Moon Cat's avatar

And control women. They were exceptionally mad that neighboring cultures were ok with Women in Religion including roles as Priestesses.

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Jay's avatar

CORRECT!

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Stephen Brady's avatar

First of all, the bible is available online. Second, there is nothing like a ban to attract kids to read something. They will be looking up the dirty bits as fast as they are allowed. This may not have the bill's author's desired effect...

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xenubarb's avatar

Hell, we used to do that as kids. But then, we also looked up "dirty words" in the dictionary and giggled.

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Maltnothops's avatar

My school library had a huge illustrated dictionary. Yes, indeed, human reproductive parts were illustrated.

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Valkyrie's avatar

I certainly just looked up the dirty bits and I'm waaaay far away from teen status. Most entertaining Sunday morning I've had in a while.

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Hank Long's avatar

"Begat"... biblical synonym for "fucked."

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NOGODZ20's avatar

TBF, begat just means a man and woman bringing a child into the world...by fucking. ;)

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Bensnewlogin's avatar

I'm very educated in the Texas schools, and I have no idea what that word means. Does it refer to cabbage patches or storks?

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Lynn Veit's avatar

😅

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Hank Long's avatar

As in: Charlatans begat religion, Republicans begat fascism, greed begad poverty...

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Zorginipsoundsor's avatar

I would go with, conservatives begat fascism.

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Wookiee Monster's avatar

"Knew" is the biblical synonym for "fucked."

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Joe King's avatar

Be careful what you wish for, Republicans. You might not like what you get.

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wreck's avatar

"I honestly cannot grasp how you could arrive at this decision. Perhaps you disagree with our fight against radically explicit content in public schools like Canyon ISD. Not only is your interpretation of HB 900 completely wrong, but your decision to ban the Bible was likely illegal."

Rep. Jared Patterson is airing grievances. He's certainly getting into the Festivus spirit.

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Lynn Veit's avatar

Condescension with a hint of threat. Oh Dear Jared, you're going to make the Baby Jesus cry while He's trying to enjoy His birthday party. Shame on you!

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Bagat's avatar

The control freak baby needs to cry over actions by its minions.

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