323 Comments
User's avatar
oraxx's avatar

I can’t bring myself to have any sympathy for people who give their money to preachers. It’s their own damned fault for delegating an important part of their thinking to a fool who claims to be speaking for the almighty. Religion was born when the first con-artist met the first fool.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Most if not all the congregants of people like Kunneman have disconnected their cerebellum as they enter the sanctuary. They swallow the message whole and do as they're told, consequences be damned.

And it continues to astonish me that that is still the case.

Stephen Brady's avatar

Cerebrum, not cerebellum. The first is for thinking, the second for balance and repetitive tasks. Otherwise, I agree. Edit turned f into for.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

"Damnit, Jim, I'm an engineer, not a doctor!" 🤣🤣🤣

Stephen Brady's avatar

I understand. GORK why I post on on these Substacks written by lawyers…

Jane in NC's avatar

Yet, those same people won't dare give a dime to a homeless person because 'they're not really homeless, they're hustlers.'

NOGODZ20's avatar

An imaginary “almighty,” to boot.

Matri's avatar

“A fool and their money are soon parted.”

Bensnewlogin's avatar

A snake and it oil are soon parted

tomhr's avatar

"There's one born EVERY minute....(P.T. Barnum)

NOGODZ20's avatar

Misattribution. It was actually said by David Hannum in the 1860s. Hannum was arguing with Barnum over Barnum's "Cardiff Giant" hoax and referring to Barnum's audiences.

Christopher Myson's avatar

Proverbs chap 13 verse 18

Alverant's avatar

I get it, but there are people with families who are suffering because one of the providers are giving money to preachers. Those I feel sorry for.

XJC's avatar

You can't fix stupid. -- Not in the Bible

nosemajd's avatar

Isn't stupid, or at least ignorance, a leitmotif of the Good Book? Eve was cursed for eating fruit of the tree of knowledge which was prohibited. What kind of FU theology would acknowledge thinking but forbid you to use it? Or were just women forbidden to think. Of course Adam was too busy having an affair with Lilith to worry about thinking with his brain (typical male), maybe if he'd spent more time with Eve than Lilith, Eve wouldn't have started asking questions. And then Eve finds out and is made out to be the bad person and gets cursed, while Adam is made out to be a victim. Why didn't Adam get to FAFO? And what happened to Lilith, she just got cast aside after she's served her purpose? I bet Adam was aloud to keep her on the side, so long as Eve didn't find out. God must be male because a Goddess would have put a stop to this crap. Lilith would have been the forbidden fruit and Adam would have gotten his pee-pee whacked. And then Eve and Lilith would have gone off and lived happily ever after in a paradise where men were excluded until they stopped thinking exclusively with there pee-pees! What can I add except I used to love Fractured Fairytales!

Maltnothops's avatar

You’ve reminded me of a great line from a TV series that lasted only 6 or 7 episodes. It was a really bad rip off of LA Law. Defense attorney is a man. Prosecutor is his ex-wife. He sleeps with a woman who then gets called as a witness in a case. The exes meet with the judge. Ex-wife says to defense atty: “You never could think more than 6 inches into your future.”

Jane Wright's avatar

Aren’t we ALL supporting this guy because his church doesn’t pay taxes? That really has to change.

Think again's avatar

"Tax the fucking churches!" Frank Zappa-1980

ericc's avatar

I like to err on the side of charity for most cons, because it really is a skill - mere 'native intelligence' doesn't protect you and conmen absolutely love it when some mark thinks they can't be fooled because they're smart or have a Ph.D.

But when a preacher asks for a private jet...yeah, gotta agree with you. This is the point at which the individual donor has to take responsibility for their own foolish decision, because there's just no way to reasonably claim 'you didn't know' what was going on.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him think.

Bonnie Boyce's avatar

I am reminded of Janis Joplin's words, "Oh, Lord, won'tcha buy me a Mercedes Benz..."

Troublesh00ter's avatar

♫♪ My friends all drive Porsches / I must make amends! ♪♫

At least SHE asked the lord and not a bunch of her fans!

I should mention, too: there was a tribute performance at the Connor Palace Theater in Cleveland some years back where a young lady (with one hell of a voice!) portrayed Janis Joplin and told her story ... and the encore at the end consisted of her leading the audience in "Mercedes Benz!"

Joe King's avatar

And her desires were much simpler, too. Just a Mercedes-Benz, a TV, and a night out. She didn't even insist on a new one.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Pearl was the real deal ... and losing her HURT.

Hannah's avatar

My first concert was Janis w/ Big Brother and the Holding Company. Fun times.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Cool! My first biggie was at Cleveland Public Hall, in 1972: Randall Island, John Mayall, Poco ... and EMERSON, LAKE, & PALMER!

That was fun!

Sallyfemina's avatar

I saw Big Brother and the Holding Company at a small winery event 20-25 years ago. They have a woman who sings with them sometimes who sounds as close to Janis as anyone could. I was old enough to know her music but too young to see her before she died, so it was quite a thrill. Mercedes Benz and Bobby McGee sent chills up my spine.

Michael's avatar

O Lord won't you buy me a color TV.

Dialing for Dollars is trying to reach me.

Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends

So Lord won't you buy me a color TV.

RegularJoe's avatar

I wait for delivery, each day until three.

("Worked hard..." is the third line of the Mercedes Benz verse.)

Michael's avatar

You are right. Half a century degrades memory…

RegularJoe's avatar

Yep. That's why I use the Google machine for stuff these days.

𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒂 𝒅𝒓𝒂𝒈 𝒊𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒈𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒐𝒍𝒅.

(Beats the alternative.😉)

Maltnothops's avatar

My friends all drive Porsches

I must make amends.🎶

Maltnothops's avatar

Dammit, TS beat me by almost 2 minutes!!!

NOGODZ20's avatar

Don’t feel too bad. I didn’t even discover the previous article until it had been up for 4 hours.

Donrox's avatar

I mentioned the "real 10 commandments" hoping you would jump in and do the full explanation.

NOGODZ20's avatar

I pretty much lurked on the second article yesterday by upvoting as many people as I could while refraining from commenting. And once I get to the library, I'll still be catching up on both this article and the previous two articles.

Oy.

NOGODZ20's avatar

Looking at Mark 3:9, one has to ask the simple question:

What does a man who can walk on water need with a boat?

Troublesh00ter's avatar

At the risk of citing an old and well-worn trope, the same thing god needs with a starship.

Len Koz's avatar

It was for his friend, Peter. Poor guy always sank like a stone.

Sallyfemina's avatar

ICWYDT and approve.

Maltnothops's avatar

In other words, maybe don’t follow Jesus everywhere.

Donrox's avatar

Kudos, my friend!

ericc's avatar

It seems a fair trade to reward the dude with magic healing powers with a rowboat.

So okay Kunneman. Regrow some amputated limbs. Then we'll talk jet.

Joe King's avatar

“𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑖𝑓𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑒 [𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑤𝑒𝑒𝑛 𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑡 𝑜𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢] 𝑖𝑠 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛’𝑡 𝑎𝑓𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑑, 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑦 𝑠𝑐ℎ𝑒𝑑𝑢𝑙𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼’𝑚 𝑑𝑜𝑖𝑛𝑔, 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑝𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑜𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒… 𝑡𝑜 𝑏𝑒 𝑠𝑡𝑢𝑐𝑘 𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑖𝑟𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡 𝑠𝑜𝑚𝑒𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑏𝑒 𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑟𝑒𝑒 [𝑜𝑟] 𝑓𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑑𝑎𝑦𝑠. 𝑂𝑟 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑏𝑎𝑐𝑘 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑆𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑎𝑦.”

Has Kunneman not heard of telephones? They can even do video calling now! And why is it so important that he return to his church by Sunday? I mean, there are probably associate pastors who can fill in. And there are the aforementioned video calls. He doesn't have to be there in person, especially since much of his congregation attends by video.

I guess the grift has gotten him to feel entitled to the lifestyle of extreme wealth. And the rubes will give it to him.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

It's not just the grift. It's his ego and his own determination that his greed needs to be satisfied, regardless. What kills me is that his congregation may not see it for what it is.

Sko Hayes's avatar

Why does KENNETH COPELAND have a jet and I DO NOT??

NOGODZ20's avatar

You need to get right with Jesus. THEN he will pour down his blessings upon you. ;)

Sko Hayes's avatar

My neighbor down the street is named Jesus, we've been buddies for years. I'm going to go ask why he hasn't blessed me yet.

Sallyfemina's avatar

My neighbor named Jesus blesses me every week when he drags my trash bins to the curb for me. And on regular occasions when he also mows the lawn. With arthritis and asthma, he is truly a blessing.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Unless you have the scratch to maintain a corporate jet, trust me, YOU DON'T WANT ONE. Yearly maintenance can run into high five figures, not including fuel, and A&P mechanics aren't cheap!

Sko Hayes's avatar

I bought a used Land Rover once, I learned my lesson.

Joan the Dork's avatar

Hell, even cars are too expensive. Jets? 𝘍𝘰𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘥𝘥𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘥𝘪𝘵. Might as well put all your money in the fireplace and torch it.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

At least the investments I've made in high-end audio equipment have held up and in some cases, have INCREASED in value!

Maltnothops's avatar

In the shock of my life, I learned last year that oriental rugs can appreciate in value. We had purchased a small rug and a kilim in Turkey in the mid 90s for $500. The kilim got a lot of use at the front door. The rug was lightly used but spent the last 15 years in the attic. We took them to an oriental rug shop. The owner gave us $1600 credit toward the purchase of a $2500 rug. We knew he was really after the rug because he glanced at it once and never looked at it again while he kept his attention on the worn kilim.

NOGODZ20's avatar

With cars, you also have to worry about insurance and upkeep.

Joan the Dork's avatar

At least with an older car, you can mitigate the upkeep cost by doing some of the maintenance yourself. Not so much with newer models- and the more features they add, the more expensive every single part gets.

I miss my damned rustbucket. I doubt I'm ever likely to have another 20-year car like that.

Crowscage's avatar

I encourage them to be cheap with their mechanics. That way they can meet their 'god' sooner.

Eric's avatar

I think the obvious point here, which Hemant made, is that all of this money which is being asked for and spent on such ludicrous ideas, would go so much further in helping the sick and the needy - the very people these preachers claim to care about.

I can't tell if it's arrogance, or delusion, or cynicism, or all three.

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

It’s greed. They see that folks will give money if it’s for god and don’t question what it actually goes for, so they take advantage of them and fill their own pockets.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Clearly a combination of ingredients, not unlike a doctor's prescription ... for IVERMECTIN!

XJC's avatar

Pray to God to help you figure it out.

While you're doing that, Hank's on his way to Cabo.

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Okay, these jerks are complaining that they’re too close to the sinners when they fly commercial, but isn’t that supposed to be part of the work? Jesus ate with the prostitutes and thieves, these guys complain if they have to look at the disabled. What better way to reach the masses than to walk among them?

They’re doing god’s work my ass.

Lynn Veit's avatar

Walk among the unwashed hordes o' heathens? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWW!

NOGODZ20's avatar

I may be unwashed, but you won't find my name in the Epstein Files. :)

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

I prefer to wash with soap and water, not the blood of Christ. Makes me a little more hygienic than the average god botherer.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Have you ever noticed what a LOUSY surfactant blood is?

Joan the Dork's avatar

It is too funny imagining any one of these flim-flam men getting down on their knees to wash someone's feet.

NOGODZ20's avatar

If they do, I'd count my toes afterward.

KaZ: IN THE WORLD's avatar

Jesus was concerned about going to airports? I can’t even wrap my mind around the fact that anyone would hear or read that and think “yeah, that makes sense”. I used to listen to stories my dad would tell me about Jim and Tammy Faye Baker fleecing my grandparents. They were the kind of christians that went to revivals and practically lived at their church. Turned me off to religion in a very early age, starting with christianity.

Joan the Dork's avatar

Some years ago, Trump made a comment about Washington's Continental Army fighting over airports, and his base just let it pass... so I'm not surprised that the lesser con artists have picked up on how thoroughly ignorant their marks are.

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

“But those are logical approaches to an illogical problem. These guys are so arrogant, they’re convinced the only way to spread God’s message is through them.”

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Nope. It’s not an illogical problem, it is a clear problem that isn’t what they’re saying it is. The begging for plane money is not about being the only portal for reaching god. That is only their excuse that their rubes buy to give them money. They beg plane money because they want to be super wealthy and fly private jet. They get away with it because they do “The Lord’s Work” tm, but they also fly private jet to vacations and for grifting purposes. They live high on the hog while their congregations barely scrape by. They have enough money to be sheltered from the consequences of electing Trump, they even get to influence him, while their congregations vote for their own oppression just because these conmen tell them to. Then the pew sitters struggle and reach out to the grifters for more Jesus juice to make their lives just a little better. It’s an intentional cycle of dependency.

Len Koz's avatar

I think at least some Republican voters just can't see the consequences of their choices. Case in point: I used to work in a nursing home in Queens, New York. The owner and the administrator both campaigned with the staff to vote for George Pataki for governor of New York. Pataki did win that election. And one of his first acts was to cut Medicaid payments by 20%. Nursing homes get about 80% of their income from Medicaid in New York...

Sinanju06's avatar

TAX. THE. FUCKING. CHURCHES.

Crowscage's avatar

OUT. OF. EXISTANCE.

Think again's avatar

"TAX. THE. FUCKING. CHURCHES." Frank Zappa-1980

Die Anyway's avatar

Ok, I put an envelope on the table and prayed over it. God told me to send this message to "prophet" Kunneman:

Dear Pastor Kunneman, be like Jesus. If you need to go somewhere, take up a cross and walk.

NOGODZ20's avatar

Want to be even closer to your savior, Hanky Panky? Be sure to receive a scourging and a crown of thorns before taking up your cross to heighten the experience (and no cheating by putting wheels on it like some of your brethren).

Joe King's avatar

To put wheels on his cross, he would have to remove them from the goalposts.

RegularJoe's avatar

Jesus. Was. Concerned. About. Airports.

He was also involved in ramming the ramparts.

wreck's avatar

He got it from the horse's orifice:

"Trump praised the Americans’ military efforts in the war against Great Britain. “Our army manned the air, it rammed the ramparts, it took over the airports, it did everything it had to do, and at Fort McHenry, under the rockets’ red glare, it had nothing but victory,”"

https://time.com/5620936/donald-trump-revolutionary-war-airports/

Lynn Veit's avatar

Jeez, I didn't know they had planes in the Revolutionary War.

Joan the Dork's avatar

Or that the War of 1812 was the same war.

Think again's avatar

"Trump praised the Americans’ North and South America.

God Bless America?

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Ahhh ... but would he Ram-a-Lam-a-Ding-Dong?

Die Anyway's avatar

Would he ram a lamb? I'm guessing he might.

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Woah Black Betty, bam a lam.

Len Koz's avatar

A double Rock and Rye and 7 Carlings.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Black Label, of course!

Old Man Shadow's avatar

Keanu Reeves has been known to fly commercial.

He is more famous than any televangelist scammer. I would also bet that if there is a heaven, he's much more likely to end up there given his known acts of kindness and charity.

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Keanu Reeves also doesn't have an ego the size of Detroit. For everything I've heard, he conducts himself like an average guy with impeccable manners. Would love to meet him one day.

Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

Tony Hawk does everyday folks stuff all the time, and he gets recognized. He’s just as famous as Reeves, but in different circles maybe, and still doesn’t demand money from others.

Sallyfemina's avatar

They both seem like quality dudes.

StephB's avatar

Yep. Paul McCartney also flies commercial and takes public transportation. If one of the most famous people in the world can fly commercial, so can these grifters.

NOGODZ20's avatar

Send him those bible tracts that look like $20.00 dollar bills.

RegularJoe's avatar

Those are fun to toss into collection plates when stuck attending church events. 🙂

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Oh, terrific. Leave a worthless piece of paper instead of a tip. That's going to go over REAL BIG, won't it? /s

NOGODZ20's avatar

There are atheist versions of these xtian money tracts, but they encourage critical thinking, secular ethics and logical reasoning. Send Hank the Stank a few of these as well. Sauce for the goose.

Alverant's avatar

Got a link where we could buy them? I don't go to places where I would need them, but you never know.

NOGODZ20's avatar

I can't seem to find a company that manufactures the "funny money," but the FFRF puts out their version of xtian tracts called "Nontracts."

ffrf.org/product/nontract-sample-pack/

Hope this helps.

Lynn Veit's avatar

I must have been in third or fourth grade the first time I heard about the tactic. Even then, I realized what a shitty trick that was.

Joe King's avatar

When I need to tip, I generally tip much more than the regular percentage, to help make up for the assholes who refuse to tip. If we could get rid of tipping by paying people an actual living wage, that would be good. But until that happens, my tips will be generous.

Sallyfemina's avatar

My friends and I have been dirt poor on occasions, but we always scraped up enough spare change for a tip.

On Xmas Eve, a party of 12 and a party of 8 stiffed our waiter, who was the finest one I've had outside of major high-end restaurants. You damn bet we overtipped and slipped him a few bucks cash and I told his supervisor how great he was. Surprise -- we're never in churches except for weddings and funerals!

Boreal's avatar

If you are gullible enough to get grifted by this charlatan, I say good. Less money you can give to the trump cult.

NOGODZ20's avatar

Fools and their money.

John Smith's avatar

When the preachers need money or anything else, they ask the congregation to supply them; when the congregation needs anything, the preachers tell the congregation to pray to god!

So Kunneman, why don’t you pray to that fucking useless, impotent goddybitch, or maybe to that even more goddamm fucking useless BASTARD son of his jeezywhore!

Troublesh00ter's avatar

Greed. Greed, greed, and MORE greed ... and while we're at it, avarice. As Hemant himself notes, this isn't the first time we've heard this song. Personally, I'm astonished that, considering the history with Creflo Dollar and the others, that Kunneman would go there, but go there, he did.

The question now is whether his congregation will go for it, and I for one am not sanguine about their answer.

Stephen Brady's avatar

His congregants only believe what he tells them, and I’m sure Creflow Dollar and Kenneth Copeland were never reported on State Television.