259 Comments
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oraxx's avatar

Everyone who ever served in the military knows you do not wear hats or salute indoors. Of course he doesn't really know anything about the military. It is the authoritarianism of the institutional church on steroids we're seeing here. Any parent who would send their child to a school like this is even worse than this preacher because they are enabling him.

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RegularJoe's avatar

"Everyone who ever served in the military knows you do not wear hats or salute indoors." Unless under arms, etc.

And yep, you're definitely correct about those parents.

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Jessie Effing-Devine's avatar

In the military if you’re in a ceremony or you’re under arms, you required to wear your cover and salute.

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oraxx's avatar

I did seven years in the Army.

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Jessie Effing-Devine's avatar

4 in the Marines.

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Jessie Effing-Devine's avatar

It’s the “covers” rule.

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Sean's avatar

You're both talking about a real military. This is LARPing military. The rules only simulate the real thing.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

“contrary to the word of God” needs to be removed from the country and made “illegal.”

So stupid it burns... Slavery is in accordance with the bible. Will you demonstrate how to be an obedient one ?

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

Yet another incidence of "cafeteria Christianity." 😝

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Burns didn't just disrespect those who actually served. In falsely stating that he served 6 years in the Army Reserve, he broke the law.

According to the Stolen Valor Act of 2013, it is a federal crime for someone to fraudulently claim they served in the military. Why hasn't Burns been arrested and prosecuted?

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cdbunch's avatar

Christian. Why wasn't he arrested for threatening LGBT supportive teachers?

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NOGODZ20's avatar

And that. Talk about lining Christians up against the wall and executing them, those same xtians would shriek high enough to shatter glass.

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Matri's avatar

Those same Christians are always the ones on the other side of the line up.

See Nazi Germany.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

Ask the rolling ass* posing as your governor ?

* Apologies to all non assholes in wheelchairs.

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cdbunch's avatar

I really wish he was posing. The people of the state actually elected the jackass. (Apologies to our equine friends for comparing you to that skunkfucker)

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RegularJoe's avatar

It depends on what he said and - more importantly - why he said it. The 2013 SVA "...amends the federal criminal code to make it a crime for a person to fraudulently claim having received a valor award specified in the Act, with the intention of obtaining money, property, or other tangible benefit by convincing another that he or she received the award." https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stolen_Valor_Act_of_2013

I don't know that the law has been tested in the courts as the 2005 SVA law was...and was overturned on 1st Amendment grounds.

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Sue Donovan's avatar

The devil is in the details. “other tangible benefit” is where you get them. The statute is intentionally vague in order to nail con artists like this.

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Matri's avatar

He’s a preacher. It’s part of his sermon in order to receive money.

I’d say that counts.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

The SVA of 2013 makes falsely claiming to have served in the military a crime in of itself. It also makes it a federal crime to embellish their rank (also a crime in of itself). Not sure the profit aspect comes into play with these two.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

What does Jesus need with a military? Especially one full of kids?

Talk about "Suffer the little children..."

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Bagen Onuts's avatar

TOP SECRET: Imaginary beings and deities have NO actual power.

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Len's avatar

That’s why they want kids dressing up as soldiers. Even pretend soldiers can be ordered around with the right level of brainwashing.

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RegularJoe's avatar

Smaller tanks, smaller planes, smaller trucks, smaller barracks.....

See also: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Get_%27Em_Out_by_Friday

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Holytape's avatar

But if my tanks are smaller, and the guns are smaller, then how will that compensate for, ah, you know, things.

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RegularJoe's avatar

Something something David & Goliath something something mysterious ways something thanks Jesus.

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cdbunch's avatar

That's why you have more.

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Crowscage's avatar

Child soldiers have zero objections to committing war crimes, especially when hopped up on jesus juice.

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Grant Jackson's avatar

I have a quick 5 question survey for any trump loving trash I come across Quick Yes or No answers.

1 Do you approve of adultery and infidelity? Yes or No?

2 Do you approve of prostitution/using prostitutes? Yes or No?

3 Do you approve of mocking and making fun of handicapped and disabled people? Yes or No?

4 Are you good with people who commit libel and fraud? Yes or No?

5 Do you think police are thugs and the FBI people are monsters? Yes or No?

"You got 5 out of 5 no's? Congratulations to you-a new BIDEN voter. Say good by to your fat donnie. The trick is in trying to get the fother mucking trump trash to answer yes or no.

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

He’s not perfect, just forgiven. God is working through a flawed vessel, just like Cyrus. Blah blah blah…

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Grant Jackson's avatar

Isn't it so fkn funny that he can work thru a flawed republican vessel but NOT a flawed democrat vessel?

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

The more egregious the flaw the more god can work with him, that’s why Republicans and not Democrats.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

Some of 'em have sufficient intelligence to dissemble and try to avoid a straight-up answer, but mostly, I think you got a nice honeyed trap there, Grant!

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RegularJoe's avatar

But.....but.....but......but......... ~ Trumpublicans

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Psittacus Ebrius's avatar

Great set of questions. While your giving the survey, you may also want to ask if they are willing to "Follow a multitude to do evil" (e.g. attack civil servants, judges, prosecutors, or anyone who does not share their worldview) as proscribed in Exodus 23,2.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

"Onward, Christian Soldiers" ... literally, eh? Burns has clearly gone off the deep end with this ridiculous effort of his. What I genuinely have to wonder about is how many parents are going to look at this and say, "Yeah, sure, I want little Johnny to go get his head stuffed full of Burns' bullshit."

As with so many other stories like this, we need to keep a weather eye on Burns and his school, never mind whatever other warped ideas may come into his head.

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Bagen Onuts's avatar

How many child molestations per hour comes to mind.

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Sue Donovan's avatar

That was my first thought.

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Pale Blue Dot's avatar

A Christian version of Trump University but for kids. What could go wrong?

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

What COULDN'T???

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CozmoTheMagician's avatar

Looks like someone watched Starship Troopers and said 'OH NEAT!' I wanna dress kids in that kind of uniform and then spank them.

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Joan the Dork's avatar

Like most right-wingers, he likely either tragically missed the whole point of that adaptation and cheered at all the over-the-top fascistic jingoism, or else he hated it because it wasn't enough like Heinlein's novel.

Paul Verhoeven must have a hand-shaped indentation in his face, by now.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Burns probably read the book and lusted after Heinlein's imaginary Mobile Power Suits, then got ticked off that neither he nor the film could afford them.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

[chuckle] Yeah ... those had to wait for Tony Stark and Iron Man!

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CozmoTheMagician's avatar

TBH, first time I saw the movie I hated it. I had read the novel a few times throughout my life and the movie just pissed me off at first. But then I watched a vid that had me look it as a parody of the novel and then I think I got it (:

I guess I was just too much hoping for an honest adaptation that I failed to see the movie for what it is. Looking at in a new light I watched it again and enjoyed it.

Although one of the most idiot things in the movie is that it implied that only women who served were allowed to have kids AFTERWORDS. This does not bode well for a population during war time. Especially since at the start the humans are LOOSING.

You would have to be beyond stupid to send your potential mothers directly into combat before they even had a chance to breed.

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ericc's avatar

Heinlein was a bit of a facist. His government in the novel was an exploration of the positive aspects (as he saw them) of fascism. But his characters were cool, and his story entertaining. If you're the director, what do you do with that?

Well, you gotta go a bit over the top with it. Just embrace the fascism so full-on it becomes funny. Make all those cool characters the 'straight man' in the joke: they wholeheartedly think they're living in a great system, they take it seriously, all while the story is showing how the system produces horrible results.

The thing that disappointed me about the movie was the substitution of carriers for the original drop-suits. I remember how in the run-up to the movie, someone (director? Producer? Some company rep? Can't remember) let slip that they were given enough budget for either good aliens or great drop-suits, but not both. So they chose aliens. Which I think was the right choice, but still, "both" would've been cooler.

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CozmoTheMagician's avatar

"Heinlein was a bit of a facist"

And what did he say or do to make you think this? I've watched interviews with the man and read his non fiction besides his fiction. IRL he was for a strong military FOR DEFENSE. And indeed he even was against nuclear disarmarment because he simply saw no reason to trust the russians. He was 'pro military' (being a military man himself) but that is not the same as fascist.

Please consider that you may be judging RAH by his CHARACTERS. Voldermort was an evil evil being ,does that make Rk... um... maybe not the best example ... nvm. But u prob get the picture.

I remember a few years back a woman saying that RAH was a sexist and misogynist. Which is odd considering all the brave, intelligent, caring, etc etc WOMEN in his works. FFS he wrote a whole series of novels about a briliant young lady! And then this women gave a quoute to back up her claim 'she was not afraid of her sexuality'... Which A) given no context is meaningless B) I could not find in ANY of his works.

Even for a man of his time he was very 'liberal'. So I can't see how you can label him 'a bit of a fascist.

I will admit that my view of RAH is probably a bit scewed by the fact that he is one of my most beloved authors in my life. He the first author who's works I read every damn thing I could find by at an early age and added to my love of reading. But my views of him are also backed up by his non fiction works and interviews given and his ACTIONS IRL. Even when he was advocating against nuclear dissarmerment he was doing from a PEACEFUL perspective.

Keep in mind, that he and his wife WENT TO RUSSIA to see with his OWN EYES just what the country and people were really like instead of relying on others. And this was at the height of the 'cold war' when US/Russian relations were 'not so good'. He wrote quite a bit about that trip.

Sorry about the long rant, but I feel I must defend one of the greatest authors and greatest people who ever lived.

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Holytape's avatar

In Texas, they tried to investigate any parent that provided gender affirming care to his or her kid, with the implied threat of having the kid removed from the house and the parent charged with child abuse. And yet, those same motherfuckers who would support that wouldn't blink an eye at something like this. And these places target the most vulnerable kids. It's not middle class kids from stable families that will be sent here. It is teens with behavioral issues from unstable family situations that will be sent here. I promise you that the vast majority of the kids will have mental health issues, resulting from drug addictions or previous abuse. The students will come from families that can't afford or don't have access to actual mental health solutions. They will be desperate families, and this place will offer them a supposed lifeline. And these students will enter a situation where the only solution offered for the consequences of previous abuse is more abuse. And yet, any attempts to pro-actively regulate these places will be seen as an attack on religious freedom.

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cdbunch's avatar

It doesn't take drug addiction or previous abuse to have mental health problems. Just adults who don't understand bipolar disorder or some forms of autism to decide you have a behavior problem and 'military' discipline will fix it.

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ericc's avatar

"It's not middle class kids from stable families that will be sent here."

Oh, it'll be them too. Just not in as many numbers. Remember, from the CEO's perspective the primary purpose of these shops is to skim tons of money out of fearful parents. So they will go after any parent and kid and they will try to manufacture "problem child" out of regular child behavior. They'll be more successful with the parents whose kids have real issues, but they'll try to get any kids whose parents will pay $3-5K/month because mom and dad worry about Billy cursing. Or "acting out" by, y'know, skateboarding. Remember, to a snake oil salesman, every kid is sick and in need of their cure.

You left out one other bit. Even the parents who *agree* with the Academy's Stepford Child plan, will *still* be getting duped. They will be expecting their kids to be taught things, by actual teachers, leading to an accredited HS diploma (while the kid is being brainwashed). What they will likely get is the kid being forced to self-teach via homechool online tests, with no teachers at all, and the end result with be an unaccredited certificate that the State and every reputable college or university treats as a piece of toilet paper.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Mark Burns Stolen Valor Military Academy.

There. Fixed it for him.

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Vanity Unfair's avatar

"[W]ho thought putting those hats on their heads was a good idea?"

The Vanity Unfair theory of hats states that all persons in a position of authority should be compelled to wear a silly hat: the greater the authority, the sillier the hat. If anybody realises that the person is wearing a silly hat then that person does not deserve to exercise their authority. As examples, consider police constables' helmets and bishops' mitres. The PCs are still getting away with it but some of them are pushing it a bit. Bishops wear silly hats.

Edit: apostrophe for comma

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NOGODZ20's avatar

5 Star General Carmen Miranda

https://imgur.com/gallery/PkO4Tm6

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Vanity Unfair's avatar

Carmen Miranda could get away with anything.

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NOGODZ20's avatar

Wow, that's not suggestive at all.

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Black Hole and DM mourner's avatar

I am not sure even the most hardcore masochists would want to play with that 🤔

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Sue Donovan's avatar

Is that supposed say “hat” or “asshat”? It seems to me the latter is apropos.

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ericc's avatar

I'm guessing this is going to be another 'troubled teens' abuse factory. Making tons of money off of scared parents, delivering an unaccredited worthless education but, even worse, traumatizing kids and their families for years.

States just need to regulate all these private facilities. Normal schools, boarding schools, everything in between. And regulate them on education, health, safety, child welfare regs, the works.

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

After a year I’m going to bet the students will be calling it “It Burns, Military Academy.” This is just the type of place that the worst of the worst flock to, to get free, unsupervised access to children. Right wingers are so worried their children are being groomed, they willingly hand their children over to real pedos thinking they’re protecting their kids. It seems like their children being LGBTQ is worse than being victims of sexual assault.

Stolen valor is despicable, and he keeps doubling down even though he’s clearly ignorant of anything military. I’m worried he is taking notes from Malcolm in the Middle on how a military academy is run. He certainly knows nothing about real military training. Hats and saluting inside, pshaw.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

How long do you figure it'll be before we hear stories of child abuse, sexual and otherwise, coming from Burns' academy? I doubt we'll have to wait long.

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Val Uptuous NotAgain's avatar

I’ll be charitable and say week one. The whole idea of giving it a military air is so that they can get away with physical abuse.

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cdbunch's avatar

I'm wondering how long it will be before some poor LGBT kid gets beat to death.

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Straw's avatar

I haven't thought about it like that, but you make sense.

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Bagen Onuts's avatar

The military and I had severe philosophical disagreements.

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Bill Wilson's avatar

“Abeka curriculum (a fundamentalist Christian company that specializes in writing textbooks for parents who don’t want their kids to actually learn anything).“ - Very funny. Obviously the cadets will be Christian soldiers marching…

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Len's avatar

Onward!

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RegularJoe's avatar

The uniforms are the most important part....gotta look identical. That and the badges and medals and such that surely will follow.....gotta stand out from your peers.

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Troublesh00ter's avatar

Also got to be taught to follow orders and not question ANYTHING, especially from your superiors. No doubt Burns wants a bunch of little robot warriors working for him.

Which should scare the whee out of anyone with a thinking mind.

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RegularJoe's avatar

Fortunately, I was trained to question when relevant....and I had no superiors and damned few equals, but I did have superordinates. :-D

These wee beasties are being indoctrinated, not trained.

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ericc's avatar

Yes exactly. Per Orwell, training people to obey pointless, ridiculous, even contradictory rules is the entire point. But uniform wear and care can certainly be part of that.

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Jarred Harris's avatar

"Only the most irresponsible parents would agree to send their kids to an unaccredited school with no track record, no listed staff, and no idea what classes might look like."

So a whole bunch of fundagelical Christians will likely line up to send their kids to it.

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